I don't think I was ever a heterosexual—and before you think that I am a homosexual please wait till the end of this piece.
Growing up, I believed that I was just a metrosexual, if anything, because I wasn't that straight. I actually like hair coloring and I didn't care about talking about women like they were personal objects. I was raised by my mother, so that is probably the reason for that.
I was just a kid that liked to have fun, but something was fundamentally wrong with that. I didn't feel the need to get into relationships until my masculinity was challenged and then I wanted to look for a girlfriend. I started doing online dating, yes I was a high school that used online dating and my main app to flirt was AIM. I was ahead of my time.
One day, my mother called me a metrosexual, something that was foreign to me and still is. I didn't get what it was so I asked around and looked it up. Someone told me it was a feminine man, others told me that it was a man that liked to keep himself groomed—but which interpretation was my mother talking about? I didn't believe that I acted feminine in any way or form. I was, just an average boy, so why did she see me in this way? I didn't care and at a point I just embraced being a metrosexual. I just called myself that and I didn't act any differently.
College is suppose to be the place where you discover yourself and that is what happen. I discovered that I was an average male because sex didn't interest me. I didn't want it, I just wanted the warmth that comes with. I decided to stop that because the warmth is only momentary.
I wanted to find out what I was, I wanted an identity and I felt that without one, I couldn't live. I went to a meeting of sorts that brought me into a different type of lifestyle. It wasn't like the whole meeting was world changing, it was this one girl that I met there that talked about what she identified as. Demisexual.
I listen to this girl talk and I felt that everything she listed related to me, so after the event I looked it up. To my surprise, I finally found something that I could identify with. I have never been in a relationship because I never found someone I want to be in a relationship with. There is a girl I am getting close with and I can feel attraction type feelings coming forth because I am getting close to her. This has happened before to me and it sucks because I try to end everything because life doesn't work like an anime. You don't just walk up to your friend and tell them that you think that you love them. Most likely they will just walk away from you and stop being your friends. Unless they are demisexual or free thinking, they aren't going to understand you or what you feel.
Also, I don't believe there is a straight or gay when it comes to demisexuals. We fall in love with anyone one that we fall in love with. If I fall in love with a guy, then that is what happens—but I will still be demisexual. I'm a hypocrite because I still call myself straight, and the reason for that is because I haven't found any guys that I like in that "sort of way." I have been waiting for 20 years to find that thing called love and I guess I can wait a little longer. It is just good to know exactly where you stand in life.
