As I keep thinking of The Kasey Family and Landon, it's hard to hold back tears. I hear songs and it's hard to hold back tears. I see someone that looks just like Landon, it's hard to hold back tears. As I write again, I will be trying to hold back tears.
What if what they say isn't true? What if time doesn't heal all wounds? What if everything doesn't happen for a reason? My heart has been broken several times and I've been devastated over things more times than I count. But this, this is different. This is pain, pain I feel for others. Pain I feel for my own sake. Heartache. The unknown. The why's. The what-if's.
While I don't understand a lot of things God does sometimes, this is a big one. This has my heart troubled. Why him? Why this amazing family I met 14 years ago who have been the best people I've ever known?
"My flesh and my heart my fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion, forever." Psalm 73:26
The truth is, people die everyday. But what happens when it comes out of nowhere and affects you and your close friends and family directly? The shock. I feel like a brick wall. The emotions in my head and my heart aren't on my face as they usually would be, but instead, I'm just here. Wishing I knew how to make things just a little bit better, but knowing you can't, is one of the most hopeless feelings you can feel.
Live like Landon. That is what everyone is saying, and it's true what they say. But to live like Landon, is to love like Landon, cherish life like Landon, live life like there's no tomorrow the way Landon did, shoot for the stars like Landon, never stop dreaming like Landon, never give up like Landon, never lose faith like Landon.
But what if my faith is shaken knowing he was taken so soon? And for what? A precious life, with a soul so joyful you could feel his presence from a mile away. A life that brought anyone he came in contact with memories, a friendship, bear hugs, endless laughter and love.
So while living like Landon is difficult right now, I can't stop thinking of that phrase and what he would want everyone to be doing. While it's difficult, he loved like no one else, he cared for people when no one else would, he did the unthinkable and accomplished so many things none of us can even begin to imagine.
Knowing Landon for 14 out of his 22 years, he wouldn't want anyone to be hurt or sad. I know that he would be hurting to know how much everyone else is hurting so deeply. He would want us to have the joy he carried around with him every day. While I know he understands the heartache, I also know he would want us to know that he is okay and wants us to be as well.
I have not stopped thinking about the memories, good and bad, since I heard the news. The stories we have to tell go back to when we were just 8 years old. From the first time I met you at a wakeboard competition at the lake, to watching you grow and become pro. From us having crazy days and nights on the lake, wakeboarding, riding the golf cart until you almost flipped us on multiple occasions, just eating dinner and talking, jumping on the trampoline, to going to basketball games where our schools played each other one cold winter night, staying up way too late on school nights just to talk, to seeing you at football games and being forever proud of who you continued to become.
The hardest part of it all, truthfully, is there was no goodbye, no warning, no anything. I can't help but wonder about the what-if's constantly playing in my mind. You should be here. Again, God works on His time, not ours. It's not for us to understand. It's not for us to like. It's for us to trust and have faith in, regardless of what that takes. Landon always had that passion roaring inside him.
"The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who have a crushed spirit." Psalm 34:18
He celebrated life in a way I’ve never seen anyone live. I could count on him to always put a smile on my face and for anything else I ever needed. You always had arms wide open. I know you were greeted at Heavens gate the same way.
“But as it is written, what no eye has seen, nor ear has heard, nor the heart of a man imagined; what God has prepared for those who love Him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9
So friends I leave you with this, remember to stay grounded in your faith, as Landon would want you to, don't feel guilty for laughing or mourning. Either way, think of what Landon would want you to do, how he would want you to feel. Some will never be the same again, some will love differently, live differently, do everything differently and there’s nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately, it’s a part of life and this just shouldn’t be.
He will never be forgotten, for he touched so many lives it's insane, but so fun to see. Do you want to be remembered the way he is? I know I would. Have you seen one negative comment? Because I haven't. His positivity and love was everywhere. His infectious laugh and smile will forever live on. Remember him for who he was and always will be. A radiant, lovable, driven, charming, hardworking, hilarious, unstoppable, unbeatable, adventurous, courageous, thoughtful, confident, genuine souls you will ever come across in your lifetime.
Landon, you are loved, you are missed greatly and I appreciate the time I had knowing you. Thank you for being you.
So can YOU live like Landon?
