My whole life, I have tried to be the human being that makes my family proud. I have worked hard to uphold an image that they would be proud of, to carry myself in ways that they would respect, and to live my life in a manner that they would admire. Still, it’s not always easy to do those things constantly. There have been several times throughout my life where I have chosen not to do something, or worried about making a decision solely because I worried about how the people around me would react. Looking back, I now realize that’s a horrible way to live life, and a mindset that no one should have to feel forced into. Yet, I didn’t realize it until the other day, when I got advice from someone very unexpected.
A tattoo artist, roughly late 20’s, and extremely personable. Davey spoke some extremely moving words that stuck with me, and that I believe will continue to stick with me for the rest of my life.
“Right now, you care so much about others around you. You care about what your parents will think of you, what your friends will think of you, and how society will view you. And while that’s admirable, you have to think long term. You have to realize - as hard as it may be - that one day, you won’t have those people to worry about. One day, it won’t be about anyone else, or what anyone thinks of you, it will just be you. So ask yourself, if that day comes, when it’s just you and no one else is around, would you want to do the things you have already done, or would you have wished you did more?”
Initially, his words didn’t resonate with me, but after giving them a little bit of thought, I realized that he actually had an incredible point. We as humans tend to live our lives with this demeanor, this goal, that we want to constantly impress other people and make other people proud of us. We have moments of doubt and hesitation when we really want to do something and it causes us to stop and think, “would ___ be okay if I did this?”. If the answer is no, we usually don’t do it, because we care too much about letting other people down or disappointing them. Well, Davey is here to tell you to stop that train of thought, and think differently.
It goes without saying that if someone really loves and respect you, they will find a way to look past your decision to move to a different country for the so-called love of your life, or even want to sit down and talk with you after making the decision to quit your well-paying job to volunteer at a local homeless shelter. People who value you and can’t imagine their lives being frustrated with you aren’t going to waste their time being mad or holding a grudge on you forever. So although it may be hard, try to constantly remind yourself of that.
Lastly, remember that no matter who you are or what you are doing, sometimes you have to be selfish and make a decision that is important to you, and for you. It won’t come easily, and there will be a voice in the back of your head the entire time telling you to think about those other things, those other people. The most important thing to do in a moment like that is to ask yourself what YOU want, what will make YOU happy. Davey is right. One day, the parents that were so disapproving of you moving to Mexico won’t be here to tell you they didn’t want you to. The friends that think the tattoo you got for your beloved golden retriever was stupid may not be around.
So instead of making those decisions for those people, think about what you will want in the end. As hard as it may be, think about what you will want when you are all alone. And if you decide you want to go for it, then you go for it. Because the sad reality is that in the end, you will be the only one to decide how much of a difference it made to you.
