In the U.S., women are so focused on their weight due to the media’s perception of what the ideal body for them is. Last year in May, I hit my heaviest weight because I was the happiest I’d ever been. Regardless of why I gained the weight, I heard “cow” comments on a regular basis, I heard that I “stopped taking care of myself,” I heard playful teasing about my thighs and my love handles that led me to stop wearing skirts, to spend a summer inside or in jeans until I lost the weight.

However, when women hit the weight that I was at after a weight loss regimen, they look amazing. They look happy and healthy. They look as if they could rule the world. They have curves and a tiny waist. They are perceived as the best they’ve been because it’s the smallest they’ve been.

Small doesn’t equal happy and weight gain doesn’t mean you stopped taking care of yourself.

For a few months, I was too busy with my schoolwork, friends, new relationship and finding myself, that the size of my thighs didn’t matter as much as the essay I had due or the party I was going to at the end of the week.

Before I came to college, I was so obsessed with the idea of what I was seen as. I wouldn’t leave the house without stepping on the scale and making sure the numbers hadn’t gone up since the day before and when they did, my day would turn into a fast. I was paranoid of what people saw when they looked at me when I didn’t know what I looked like myself.

I wish people would accept weight gain as a way to self-acceptance and not just weight loss. I’m not 102 pounds anymore, but I’m extremely happy, I have great jobs, great friends, amazing classes. my art is improving and the fact that I even look at myself and the word “cow” pops up in my head is disgusting. I hate that people have been given the right to make me question my own appearance and ask if it’s good enough for them, when really I know it’s good enough for me. I’m healthy, I wake up in the morning and my lungs work, my brain works and the sun came up again. Why does it matter that I’ve gained 10 pounds, why does it matter that I’d gained 20? At the end of the day my body is a vessel that carries my mind and as long as I feel healthy, why would I waste time making sure it looks presentable to you if it’s presentable to me.

Healthy weight gain isn’t a bad thing. Stop making it out to be and let people just live without being shamed for the bodies they live inside.