I pressed the blade against my skin until I could see the red drops fall to the ground. Once was never enough, I would etch a line through the epidermis over and over again to release the pain I was hiding. After six or seven cuts, I peered into the mirror, with tear-stained eyes I traced my fingers to the tattoo I momentarily forgot about. I ran my tips over Romans 8:38 and 39. I felt His arms wrap me up as I remembered His words: "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." The blade dropped to the floor.

I remember the moment I asked for His love to fill my heart. I was a camper at His Thousand Hills, the summer camp that transformed my belief and began the greatest relationship I have to this day. I always cherished the moments when we sat around the camp fire and worshiped Him. I can close my eyes and hear the praises that filled the woods as we remembered what we are all on this earth for. Every year campers had the opportunity to take the individual step to accept Jesus into our hearts, by walking to the front and tossing a pearl into the fire. The night I made that decision I remember tears flooding my eyes as I gave everything to Him. I was the last camper at the fire that evening and my counselor embraced me as everything that I had bottled up was surrendered to Him. For the first time, I felt safe.

I left that camp with my most prized possession, a bible with notes from my counselor. When I received that gift I had no idea that it would have become my shield for years to come. The torn, crinkled, beat-up book is what saves me to this day. That bible is my safe haven, my heart and soul, my reminder that I am supposed to live for someone greater than myself. But what is more important than carrying the bible by my side is that You have found a home within my heart, and not let me go since.

For the time when my brother was leaving for college, my grammy had passed away, and my friends had turned their backs on me, You were there. You made sure I was not alone.

For the time when I became sick from sleepless nights of overloading with school, sports, work, and extra-curricular activities, You kept me safe. You made sure I woke up from those deep sleeps.

For the time I shook with anxiety at the stage during graduation, You gave me confidence to share Your word with my loved ones. You reminded me to be true to my heart, and to the one who is within.

For the time I ventured on my own to college and faced change, You provided me with strength to take those steps. You ensured that every ounce of bravery within my soul was prepared to branch onto my own path.

For the time, actually multiple times, I felt lost and disconnected without my mother, You provided me with memories of her presence. You restored my heart with the lessons she taught and have had her flying over me for every moment.

For the time I wanted to end my life, You pushed those negative thoughts out of my mind. You reminded me that You created me for a purpose, one that no one else can fulfill, and my place in this world is significant.

For time and time over again, You did not give up on me. You showed me that this world would not be the same without me.

Believe me, I understand. Not everyone believes what I do, but without a doubt I would not have become the woman I am without my relationship with the Lord. He has taught me patience, unconditional love, forgiveness, resilience, and so much more. The times I feel like my soul takes flight are when I sing and praise Him. The times when every word from my heart is focused on His grace and mercy are when I feel free. Those are the moments that I can experience complete euphoria by connecting with Him.

And during the hardest moments when I lose faith in myself, I am reminded that I am worthy because You believe in me. No matter what I think or feel, You gave Your life for me to live and believed I was worth dying for. You specially designed every moment and every step of my life as a part of Your plan. You see and have always seen the beauty in me and my place in this world. You love me, and nothing can replace that.

Yes, I have been to that dark place. But who was there too? You, Lord, and You were also the light to give me hope to emerge from the dark. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for guiding me through every mistake and failure, and reminding me of the hope for a better future. From the deepest valley, to the highest mountain peak, You will follow me. You will carry me to the place I belong because You have a greater plan in mind.

I am not sure where You are taking me, but I am thankful for each step of the way, because I know that whenever I step into the darkness, you will light the path to where I need to be.