"When will a Bond flick finally pull a "Titanic" and sweep all of the Oscars ever?" no one has ever wondered for any reason. But that doesn't matter, because anyone who has seen "Spectre" can at least attest to the fact that it's a veritable visual feast. The landscapes are gorgeous, the angles are sleek, the editing is taut and Daniel Craig still has men everywhere thinking twice about that second slice. (Seriously, is it crunches or deadlifts or...) But a lot of people have been quite vocal about, go figure, the plot. In an action movie. About cars, girls and guns.
The plot.
Not that Spectre doesn't "have one", mind you, but that's not for this article. I have lost most of the energy to be frustrated with those who expect the James Bond franchise to be anything other than really, really cool, because that's what it is.
Like, really, disgustingly cool.
However, I have a great deal of sympathy for those who have missed the subtleties and nuances that lie in these "brainless blow-'em-ups" because, that's just it: They're easily missed and they're totally there, even if it's not obvious in the way that the films are presented as: BLOW THIS UP AND DRIVE THIS HERE AND MAKEOUT WITH YOU AND YOU AND AHHH because that's kind of what they're meant to be. But they offer so much for anyone of any age in any situation who needs a little more that a pick-me-up after a long week in the grind and have so for over 50 years, starting with:
1. Dr. No - How to run away from our problems with style.
We all have have slightly unhealthy tricks up our sleeves that have helped us get this far which we'll probably always use. As long as we take regular breaks as needed (you know when to take it easy) and don't let our mental state deteriorate beyond typical fatigue and urge to blow through Kevin Hart's entire filmography on a lazy weekend, we should be cool, even during Finals season *shivers; shivers a lot*.
2. From Russia with Love - Caffeine gives us the energy to run away with our problems in style.
Christmas Cup Catastrophe or not, if you haven't needed caffeine at least once in your life, I can almost guarantee you will within the next four years, or I would like to take you out and ask you what your secret is. Over coffee.
3. Goldfinger - Learn how to let everything around you explode in style.
There's this sweet track by CHVRCHES called "The Mother We Share" which contains plenty of quotes about what to do and who to rely on when you realize you just need a breather and don't know how to take one on your own. It's something to the tune of: When everything is going super wrong, do your best to reach out to someone or multiple people (you know yourself) you trust more than others and rely on them to give you new insight on how to trudge through the sludge and occasional (read "familiar") drudgery of college life.
4. Thunderball - Admit you have no style.
Social faux pas are super real and, realistically, being yourself can go quite a long way. Even on the roughest of days, take time to dress for success (at least sometimes) and don't wear sweat pants to everything. You're good-looking and you deserve to look good. Try a little dress-up once a week and feel the difference. Never underestimate the power of me-time and the chance to feel beautiful on some pretty ugly days.
5. You Only Live Twice - Sneaking a pet into your dorm can go one of two ways.
This is almost self-explanatory but I'll dig a bit deeper anyway: When I say pet, this includes but is not limited to anything that you would look bad carrying if you were walking towards your room from one direction and your RA bumped into you coming from the other. You're smart. You know where I'm taking this train, so I don't need to elucidate any further. Put that smartness into action. Please. Nobody likes paperwork.
6. On Her Majesty's Secret Service - We all know how well it can go right up until the very millisecond it begins to not go well. And then clay pigeons BOOM.
Sometimes your luck, just like the above clay pigeons, is violently perforated by obstructions you neither saw coming nor knew existed. Often, this is beyond your control and dwelling on the sock it took you too long to put on that might have allowed you an extra 34 seconds to make it to class is nowhere near the pragmatic mindset to take when you are well aware life has bested you. Just put your socks on a little faster every day until you can breeze right through it without hitting your head and stepping on that cat you have in your dorm that I promise to keep my mouth shut about.
7. Diamonds Are Forever - Enter style, again! But not at the expense of others.
If you and a decidedly amicable acquaintance are sharing laughs between yourselves about each other's quirks of which you are both aware, laugh away and crack wise until you're both ready to throw your cats at each other (don't throw cats), but be wary: There is a line. Figure that line out subtly and if you're in doubt, just ask, and hopefully they have the solid sense to realize you care for their general well-being and don't wish to offend them.
8. Live and Let Die - The title is powerful but in real life, do the opposite.
If a friend needs help and they're all out of jokes/smiles for the day, please help them. Homework, advice, reemergence of laughter, anything. Help a homie out. If someone looks like they're not feeling the day or it's not feeling them, take time to find a way to make their day pep up a little bit. Caffeine optional.
9. The Man With The Golden Gun - Be a hero sometimes. (Yeah, Guy Hamilton really relished in the pyro).
I remember my primary and secondary education vividly and I remember all the tips and tricks I learned on how to treat people better, simply by not being treated well at all. No, I'm not Mother Theresa all the time. Or even sometimes. Or ever. My ratio of screwing up to not screwing up is never less than 99/1 because I'm human. We all are. Most of us are instilled with at least some semblance of an adult conscience and know how to treat people with the respect they're due, even if we muck up sometimes.
10. The Spy Who Loved Me - Get that adrenaline pumping.
You love to run 20 miles a day, right? No? Ok, same, glad we're reading the same book here. Yes, you're wiped out after a long day; yes, you didn't sleep well last night and still have to get up at the ungodly hour of "sometime-today-that's-still-too-early-no-matter-what-it-is."
Please walk. Please stretch. Please do something to clear your head and keep your machine well-oiled and ready to tackle that coffee. I mean home-coffee I MEAN.... homework. Coffee. And inhale those veggies like you know you should. Put carrots on a burger, I don't care.
11. Moonraker - This could either be about oral hygiene or biting of more than you can chew. OR THE IMPORTANCE OF VEGGIES. But it's not...
This is about bragging. I'm sure you're the mouth-object-biting champion of the world and you hold the Guinness record for most things bitten with your mouth. Or... Track and field...... Point is, *we're all good at a lot of stuff*. What do you gain by telling others how good you are when you can just show them? In context, of course. In your resume, sell yourself like an apron to Guy Fieri. During a championship game, go all out and out your work into action. Do NOT pull a Johnny Bravo and crush cans with your burly biceps or anything of that nature. Maybe some will fawn over that, but most will yawn over that.
12. For Your Eyes Only - Do NOT touch unless you are allowed to touch. And even then, respect the touch-ee (including cats).
Speaking of things you can hold lovingly in your arms, NOT EVERYONE. Like, this is less about touching and more about entitlement. You are not entitled to "win" everyone you wish to win. Or, anyone, really, since this isn't skee-ball. "This" meaning dating life. By all means, try your hand at showing someone you like or "the one" you like that you do in fact like them. But it all goes back to trying too hard. I see a lot of that. I have done a lot of that. I will probably do it again in the future because attraction lends itself to some really weird stuff coming out of your face that you normally would not say in any situation under any circumstances.
13. Octopussy - Now hear me out...
Even secret agents have to stoop low to do things they don't want to do. Like dressing up as clowns to avoid being detonated. This does not mean do anything you can to climb your chosen ladder. Rather, quite the opposite: Never forget to humble yourself and look like an idiot sometimes. Mistakes are great. You will make them whether you anticipate them or not. Even ones you don't know you made but others do. Just play it safe and stay in that humility zone as often as you can.
14. A View to a Kill - Fear doesn't play favorites.
So here's Christopher Walken dangling from a plane. It happens. Your heroes freak out, too. You're not alone in your disquietude. No one is. We all have different fears at different times and for different reasons but, come on, name me one real person (meaning not Superman) who isn't afraid of falling out of a plane without a parachute? Metaphor, but, you get it.
15. The Living Daylights - You are not James Bond and that is a VERY GOOD THING.
Don't rely on the media to tell you what you need. Let me explain: In terms of pure happiness, health, security, wellbeing, etc., you know yourself and you know what you need most of the time, but when you don't, by all means find ideas on Pinterest or look to your favorite novel to guide you from escapism to effective reality, but don't forget you live in a very real world that can only bring you happiness if you let it bring you happiness.
16. License to Kill - The only gif for this was NSFS....
This is an easy one. You do not have this license. This is includes but is not limited to revenge on an ex (no matter how creative), mean-spirited pranks (same), lying/stealing/cheating/extortion (hey, people are creative). Anything. If you're not giving life, you're taking it away. Hopefully not literally, but don't let your soul die like The Breakfast Club warned us.
17. Goldeneye - A brief commercial break from the film series.
HOW FUN WAS THIS GAME?! I mean, really. It was so fun they're going to re-hash it on every generation of console for years to come. And that's perfectly acceptable by me. It helps me remember to relax a little but not blow all my time on fun, particularly to the detriment of everything else, like knowledge and money and grades and my relationship with the parents, without whose parenting I would not be alive to enjoy Goldeneye (Thanks, GoldenMom and GoldenDad).
Enjoy life but work a little so that, when you're done for the day, you can enjoy your fun even more because you'll be tired enough to not work anymore but excited enough to play Goldeneye and not worry about your world becoming a used a clay pigeon.
18. Tomorrow Never Dies - There's always tomorrow. Except for that once..
So that was a little morbid. Glad you stuck around, though, because it was beyond necessary: It was necessary-ry. Because you do not know what will happen tomorrow or if there will be one which is a kind of sad thought (even my heart is diving without a parachute as I type this) but that's all the more reason to take that humble, thankful step back again and try to see a smaller picture (did he say smaller? Yes he did).
Believe it or not, I spend more time worrying about the big picture than my own actions. A lot of us do. Don't shoot for IMAX, instead fan down to full-screen, maybe. There's a lot of stuff that gets cut off if you're only watching your life in widescreen 3D and you forget to look down.
19. The World Is Not Enough -
This is another quick one. Take the time you would've spent reading a longer paragraph and think about who you're aiming to please: This world, or something, someone, else. No judgment, no wrong answers, just think a smidge.
20. Die Another Day - Recurring theme in Bond movies: Just keep swimming.
And in Finding Nemo. Woah that's like the Kevin Bacon effect; you can trace him back forever. ........That was a long heading.
So here's the body: The worst thing I can imagine for myself is coming to a complete halt. A stand still. What do I have, then? Certainly not even a prayer that better things could come along. Even if you don't feel like moving at all, smile for ten seconds, drink that coffee, read that textbook for even a minute and find your groove again. It will happen.
21. Casino Royale - Money is now worth a bit more than opening an animated gold coin-filled crate or owning six little red hotels on the boardwalk.
There's not much I can say about money that you don't already know or haven't already experienced; how it can work both ways and quickly consume you if you spend too much of it, don't earn enough of it or both. If your collegiate business model doesn't include room for error and plenty of back-up plans by the end of Junior year, you need to change something. Over-prepare, don't under-achieve.
22. Quantum of Solace - "Take a little love where you can."
This favorite quote of mine from the musicalChess (pretty far from Bond but it relates well), urges us to accept the positives in your lives, no matter how tiny, insignificant or useless they may seem at the time. After many long nights of dangerous liaisons and cavorting with co-eds, 007 finally finds a true love; soon, though she is swiftly and violently taken from him, he learns how to grieve and to appreciate her in his own, unique way. There aren't many genuine life-changing moments to go around so create your own.
23. Skyfall - Roll within your means.
A little bit of anything can be carried ridiculously far, as witnessed in everything from Bond's exploding watch, to his spiky umbrella (not a dirty joke) to his pyrotechnic bagpipes. Seemingly normal objects can be MacGyver'd (or Bond-ed) into almost anything you need them to be. Have a red marker? Now it's paint for that lamp you chipped when it connected with your face. Empty bottle of hand sanitizer? Never lose a paper clip again. You get my drift..
24. Spectre - Having a car on campus can also go one of two ways.
I'll close with this: A lot of us have the ability to hang out in this cozy little world for a long time. With the many forms of transportation available to us now (Loop buses, your Uber's and Lyft's, the T, the bus etc.) we can easily escape our collegiate woes and engage in any number of thrilling activities, especially downtown. We have resources. We can get help whenever we need it. There's a sense of community and security that may not always be around this much.
So, borrow little tips and tricks from veteran life-livers wherever you go and combine them to make your own personal cocktail. If you're of age. If not, then make your own fro-yo.
