So often we sit down to coffee with a friend, or a friend calls us and needs to talk. We willingly sit down with them and talk about whatever they want to relieve from their mind. But so often when we sit down to talk, we listen with our minds scrolling through what our response and advice should be for our friend. That's our problem.

We listen to respond rather than listen to understand. We listen to see what brilliant advice or insight we can contribute to our friend's life, rather than listening to understand what they are feeling. This becomes the difference between listening to sympathize with someone and listening to empathize with them. Sympathy is "feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune."

On the other hand, empathy is defined as "The ability to understand and share the feelings of another."

There are no synonyms or explanations listed under empathy. Just the definition. And a pretty beautiful one at that. Now think about it. Do we really want to give our friends sympathy and speak in pitiful cliches when they come to us for insight? Do any of us really desire to be pitied at our misfortunes? I would venture to say that most of us don't. Most of us don't desire for our lives to be pitied, especially by our friends and loved ones.

However, we do deeply desire for those people who matter to us to understand what we are feeling. There is no feeling quite like another human venturing into your world in pursuit of understanding deeply who you are. Whether they really relate to what you're going through, the fact that they are choosing to listen in pursuit of understanding means a lot.

I have a dear friend who does this whole listening thing exceptionally well. They listen to understand. They ask questions to make us think further. But they rarely, if ever, offer up advice or tell anyone else what to do. They offer guidance and support, but don't throw cliches and unneeded wisdom at the other person.

This is what we should all strive toward doing and being better at. We should all make an effort to listen better. To listen to understand and not just to respond. So the next time you sit down with someone to talk, think about how you can better listen to understand. Because we would all be better off in this world if more of us understood one another, or at least tried to.