Being a teenager is hard. Sometimes I feel like the difficulty of going through the teen part of my life kind of blindsided me. They don’t really talk about the hard part of being a teenager in movies unless there’s a happy ending where the guy gets the girl, or the girl gets the guy, and the parents come around to the kid’s way of thinking and the bullies realize their error and everyone skips arm-and-arm into the sunset. But it doesn’t always work that way. In fact, it barely ever works that way.

The hardest part of being a teenager for me was feeling different. When you’re a kid, you don’t notice as many differences between you and the people around you because those differences just don’t matter. But some switch flips in your brain at a certain point, and suddenly you start wondering what people think of you. You feel a sudden and overwhelming pressure to be like everyone else, whether that means wearing a certain brand of shoes or knowing a certain five songs. Everyone wants to feel like they have a group to identify with. That’s okay, but it’s also okay to be different, and okay to be okay with being different. Not many people say that, so I want to say it now.

To all the people who feel like they are different in a way not many other people are different (and let’s face it, that’s each one of us in one area or another), a list of things that are okay:

It’s okay to be sad. There are things in this world that we can’t understand, and it’s good to mourn them. It’s good to mourn the absence of someone or something you love. It’s good to mourn the thing that went wrong yesterday. Sometimes you are sad for no reason at all that you can think of, and that’s okay too. You can’t deal with your grief if you don’t allow yourself to feel it.

It’s okay to be passionate about something not a lot of other people are into. I really love classic muscle cars. They are beautiful. They are a lost art. Do yourself a favor and Google the 1970 Dodge Challenger. Stare at it for a little bit. Imagine the sound of the engine as you sit behind the wheel and fly down a long straight road on a sunny day. If that’s not happiness, I don’t know what is. Guess what? I know maybe two other people who get as excited about ‘70s Challengers as I do. That doesn’t mean it’s weird or wrong. It only means that where my sister has a Pinterest board dedicated to soccer, I have one entirely full of classic cars. Which doesn’t mean anything. Talk about your off-the-wall passion. You might accidentally meet some pretty cool people who don’t think you’re all that crazy.

It’s okay to not wear makeup. Don’t be afraid to use the face you were born with. Don’t be afraid to look like you. The things people call imperfections make you beautiful in a way no one else is.

It’s okay to wear makeup. Makeup is a lot of fun. And sometimes it makes you feel better about yourself. We all need that help every now and then.

It’s okay to weigh more or less than other people think you should. Taking care of your body is important. Feeling healthy really does make you feel happy. But if you’re trying to look a certain way because other people look that way, your mind is going to be unhappy no matter how healthy your body is. The beauty of being human is that no individual’s body is exactly like anyone else’s. You are never going to look just like someone else’s ideal, and your ideal should not be patterned after someone else’s.

It’s okay to wear clothes that look different than everyone else’s. Please understand that I am not advocating either side of the modesty question right now. I only want to say that in a very general sense, different does not mean wrong. You’re going to look stranger wearing clothes that you feel uncomfortable in than you will in clothes that reflect who you are and what you love.

It’s okay to get better or worse grades than the rest of your class. Your best is not going to be the same as your classmates’ best. That’s normal. It’s expected. Anything different would be unnatural. You’re going to be really good at some things and really bad at others. The only thing you need to know how to do is work hard.

It’s okay to disagree with your parents. As long as you have solid reasons that aren’t grounded in a wild desire for rebellion and independence. Think about these things long and hard. Your parents haven’t been around forever, but they’ve been around for a lot longer than you have.

It’s okay to agree with your parents. Sometimes it feels like disagreeing with your parents is so expected that it’s actually required. It’s not. You can agree with your parents. That’s perfectly fine and sometimes really good.

It’s okay not to be like everyone else. If you don’t fit any of the molds you see around you, make a new one. Admit it when you make a mistake and try again. People will respect and admire you for being excited about who you are, and you’ll inspire them to be more confident themselves.