Reports have just come in from the Roger Williams Zoo that all its lions have escaped and are now roaming the greater Boston area. I advise all of you to be careful as you make your way through the area surrounding roger williams.

A zookeeper went to clean the lion pen and was surprised to find that all the lions were missing. He opened the gate to inspect the disappearance, and was suddenly bowled over. It appears that the lions have evolved active camouflage in a shocking feat of survival of the fittest.

The lions blended in with the ground and attacked the unsuspecting zookeeper. He was quoted as saying “OH MY GOD WHAT THE @!$& THEY’VE GOT ME.” It was at this point the zoo realized that he needed help and sent their finest student researchers to assist the poor man. Sadly, he passed away last night. He was only two days from retirement. The irony is lost on no one.

Now that lions can essentially become invisible, who knows what's next. Perhaps we should declare a worldwide ceasefire and pact of peace as we gather the nations finest minds to find out how to see all these lions.

Maybe then we could finally achieve world peace as we are finally united in our fear of invisible lions.