As a black woman, racism is something I deal with on a nearly daily basis. Be it in the form of racist comments, microaggressions, what some would consider jokes, ignorant questions, etc, it can be extremely taxing. To not only be the recipient of racist commentary but to also be expected to keep your cool in these situations and educate the ignorance out of the offender is not only unfair, but also tiring. Yet, this dilemma persists.
While some think that all of the exhaustion, confusion, anger and the like disappear as soon as the situation is resolved (or ignored), this could not be further from the truth. Dealing with racism has a lingering effect on how you'll handle the next situation and how you feel about yourself and the world around you.
When a person makes a racist comment or joke in your presence, a flood of questions enters your mind:
"Why would they say/do this to me?"
"Do I have any allies to back me up if I decide to say something?"
"Is this even the right situation to correct this behavior?"
"Will I or this person benefit from me calling out their behavior or will it be more emotionally taxing than just letting it go?"
"Will this person think this type of behavior is acceptable if I don't say something now?"
Depending on how offensive the situation was and how you handled it, that moment could be replayed in your head tens of times, hundreds of times, or stay with you throughout your life. Everyone else in the situation may move on but you'll be sitting there wondering if you handled it the best you could, if you'll see that person again and if they'll have something else to say that might make you upset, angry, or annoyed.
The ongoing emotional toll of racist interactions isn't something that I see discussed often. People only tend to think of the emotions that arise at the time but no one thinks about how the person the comment/joke/micoraggression was aimed at feels after that initial moment is over. The emotions run deep because while each comment is just one comment, they build up over time and it becomes increasingly frustrating and disappointing to deal with them. In addition to that, what one might ignorantly think is a simply joke or comment could have horrific and deeply hateful origins.
So, think twice before you make a joke about black people liking watermelon, reach out to touch a black woman's hair or say something along the lines of "Well, you're so pretty/well-spoken for a black girl." What may be a moment in passing for you can shape another's view of this world.
