I remember our first Christmas without my grandpa. It was strange for all 15 grandkids to be around the huge Christmas tree without his huge smile accompanying us. However, what was harder for me was to see the way it impacted my mom, the daughter of my grandpa. Although the holiday season brings immense joy, it can also bring immense pain for those who have lost a loved one, whether recently or not. We're flooded with memories, and they often force us to focus on what, or who, is missing.
However, this intensification of grief goes beyond just those who have experienced loss of a loved one. There is also grief when other things have changed. Maybe someone in your family isn't employed this year. Maybe your siblings are growing up and spending the holidays with their new spouses. Or maybe you don't have a reason. Maybe you're just sad.
Although I am well aware that no one wants to hear that they have a disorder, seasonal affective disorder is a very real and very devastating condition that affects countless people during the holidays. According to Mayo Clinic, seasonal affective disorder is "a type of depression that's related to changes in seasons." Though it can occur at any change in season throughout the year, the large majority of cases occur as the fall season transitions to winter. Symptoms include having low energy, losing interest in activities you once enjoyed, having problems getting along with other people, oversleeping, and even weight gain.
Despite our hopes that the holiday season is merry and bright, this just isn't the case sometimes. So, here are 10 hopeful hints for how to cope (or help others cope) with the burden of sadness over the holidays as told by one of my favorite Disney movies, "Lilo and Stitch."
1. Acknowledge the cause of grief.
If it's been a while since you've seen "Lilo and Stitch," an important detail to remember is that Lilo's parents died in a car accident shortly before the time when the film begins. This leaves Lilo to be raised by her adult sister, Nani. Throughout the movie, Lilo deals with a lot of anxiety and intense emotions, and although she is young, she realized her parents' death has a lot to do with this.
If there is something specific that is causing your grief this holiday season, acknowledge that reason. This does not mean to dwell on the loss or change you are experiencing, but it does mean that it is unrealistic (and unhealthy) to ignore it.
If you have no idea why you are experiencing sadness, accept the fact that seasonal affective disorder is a reality and that it's no fault of your own to be affected by it.
2. Realize that there's no such thing as a bad emotion.
We often like to think that emotions like sadness, anger, or jealousy are negative emotions, but all emotions are both inevitable and healthy. It is okay to be sad. It is OK to grieve. These are emotions that we need to let ourselves feel and not feel pressured to hide them or replace them with fake emotions.
3. It's OK to say no.
Especially during the holiday season, there is an insane amount of activities. Realize that you don't have to say yes to every gift exchange or cookie decorating party. It's OK to say no. Make sure to not avoid every social opportunity, for these can actually be great ways to get your mind off things and relax with loved ones. However, you don't need to feel pressured to be social if you're really not feeling up to it.
4. Eat sensibly.
I could eat Christmas cookies for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if I had the chance. The holidays are already an easy time to let your self-control slip when it comes to food, but when you are experiencing depression on top of that, it can become even worse. Make sure your diet remains balanced. Don't overeat, but don't avoid food either. Your depression will only feel worse if you aren't taking care of your body.
5. Sleep sensibly, too.
Sleep has always been an easy escape for me when I am struggling with depression. You don't have to interact with people, you don't have to think about the pain, and it becomes addicting. Taking a nap every once in a while is a wonderful way to relax, but too much sleep can take your feelings of sadness to a whole new level. Get out of bed! You'll feel better when you do.
Image courtesy of rebloggy.
6. Don't take your emotions out on others.
If you aren't letting others know what's going on inside your head, it's easy to explode. You may not bite and punch people like Lilo, but it sure is easy to be rude to your mom or sassy with your siblings. This doesn't make anyone feel better, which is why the next helpful hint is really important.
7. But don't keep your emotions bottled up, either.
Friends and family want to be there for you. You don't have to let everyone know what's going on if you don't want to, but it is really important that someone knows about the grief you are dealing with and can comfort you and help you. They don't need to know the answers (and most of the time they won't), but knowing that someone is there for you and isn't judging you for your emotions is immensely helpful.
Image courtesy of GIPHY.
8. Don't feel guilty for being happy.
Especially if you are dealing with loss of a loved one, it is easy to feel guilty for being happy. We often feel that we are supposed to be sad, and to feel otherwise isn't right. The beautiful thing about emotions is that we can experience more than one at a time and they can change frequently. Although this is also what makes emotions so hard, don't feel bad about smiling or laughing or even completely forgetting about your grief. This is actually a very healthy thing.
9. Make alone time a priority.
Even though I'm an extrovert and would much rather be around people all the time, I have had to come to realize the importance of alone time. The holidays create a pressure to spend every waking moment with others, but it's important that we make time to be alone and rest as well. Read a book. Watch a movie. Draw. Journal. Take your dog on a walk. Give your brain a chance to think what it needs to think and take a break from people. It's OK. I promise.
Image courtesy of GIPHY.
10. Change is a part of life. Embrace it.
Change is a beautiful theme in this film. Lilo and her sister Nani have to realize that things aren't the same, and that is OK. There is still beauty in the past, and nothing will ever change that. It's up to us, however, to decide if we will find beauty in the present moment, too.
Sometimes, the holidays just don't feel happy and that is OK. But one thing the holidays should never be without is hope. Have hope, friends. Things might not ever be the same, but they're going to be alright.