Summer 2016 was by far my best summer so far, and I made sure it was for the specific reason that I knew I was leaving for college. At the start of summer, I was more focused on making the days count, enjoying my time with my family, loved ones and my boyfriend. But time was not on my side, there were so many moments on those summer days that I wish I could've frozen time. Even for just a few mins to be able to take it all in. I was happy, life was good and everything seemed to be falling into place. The relationships in my life were stronger than they've ever been, especially with God. I felt so connected and it's everything I wanted leading towards the end of summer. But if there's one thing I've learned is you can never get too comfortable. And at that moment I was content. How could I not be? From the outside looking in, people see a girl that has her life together, just graduated at the top of her class, she goes to 'church', with such a good support system by her side, her life looks "perfect". Until that perfect bubble soon ends up bursting.

Typically as August starts approaching, you start creating those last few memories with all your loved ones and close friends. Trying to avoid the goodbyes and tears as we all know that time is coming and we were off our separate ways. My friends and I were on the same page. Making the best of every day before everything changed. However, for me, the goodbyes were a bit different. On August 7th, I had to say my last goodbyes to my best friend in her hospital bed, and the following morning she passed away. Throughout the months she was battling with cancer I may not have been there as much as I could of. But I did make sure in her last few hours I was there. It sounds a lot easier than it really was because when I stepped into that room my heart dropped...

Janelle's passing destroyed me completely, I couldn't function normally, I couldn't speak about it, I was so confused with so many questions and doubts. And to make matters worse, everyone was tip-toeing around me like I was this fragile glass, one wrong move and I'd break. Externally I handled all of this very well, but deep down I was just pushing all these emotions to the side. I lost my BEST FRIEND, 18 years old, 18 years of friendship, I knew her since the day she was born. We were only 2 and a half weeks apart, literally sisters. How was I just supposed to be okay with the fact that it was her time to go?

That following week was so hard but necessary. When someone passes, especially at a young age, we're quick to ask God "Why did you have to take that person away from me?" or have doubts about Him and ask "Why couldn't you heal them?" As most non-believers say, "If your God is a 'good' God, why would He let bad things happen to good people?" And when you're faced with a situation like this, it's easy to let those thoughts in. The thing is, God doesn't always answer your questions by speaking right in your ear. He can show you the answers, but many times people just aren't looking.

The day of Janelle's wake and funeral, all my doubts were put to rest. The only purpose we have on this earth is to fulfill the plans he has for our lives. That's it, we're not supposed to get comfortable in this world because we're not from here. And once those plans are fulfilled it's time to go. Janelle did her part, seeing the amount of people that walked into that church and were touched by her in one way or another warmed my heart. Cancer is flat out horrifying, and as hard as it might be to accept this it was part of His plan. Janelle accepted Jesus Christ into her life, she was able to have that personal relationship with her creator and I don't think she would have had that if she didn't get sick. I will always look up to her so much for how well and hard she fought cancer. And many people would think she lost the fight since she passed away. But in reality, she has the victory, she made it to the other side, with our creator, with the one true Almighty God. No more pain, no more suffering, and she's finally resting FREE of cancer.

I thank God for allowing me to be a part of her life, and for stepping into her life when she needed Him the most. I know that her life and her story has touched so many people. It's sad that it takes someone passing away for others to realize a change has to be made in their own lives. But sometimes that is the only way for God to get our attention. He uses one person to speak to a number of people and it breaks my heart that that someone had to be Janelle. But since that day, I haven't been the same. It's crazy to me how God started off me and Janelle's stories together he led us in different directions but we were on the same path, the right path. "Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few" Matthew 7:13-14.

Don't you see? When you accept Jesus Christ into your life, it's no longer you, it's God living through you. And from that day on you must pick up your cross daily deny the world, turning your back on the wide gate and follow Him. He is the one that leads you into the narrow gate, and you begin to see life through God's eyes. That is when His plans will begin to unfold in your life.

Many people don't find the narrow gate because they haven't found God in their life. But as soon as something bad happens who's the first person they blame? GOD. Crazy right? The people that somehow never see His hand in their life but 'know' it's His fault for what they are going through. Stop complaining and stop blaming God. GOD WILL NEVER PUT YOU THROUGH SOMETHING YOU CAN'T HANDLE. Look at the bigger picture, it's much more than the process you are facing, it's your purpose. Strive to enter the narrow gate, it's hard to turn your back on the wide gate, it's presently so nice and easy. But where do you end up? Living for God is hard but it's not impossible. And when you truly have that one on one relationship with God whatever is thrown your way is worth the battle to reach the ultimate goal. To be with our Creator in heaven.

Janelle made it, and now it motivates me to continue on this path to fulfill my purpose as well. God's plans are big, I wouldn't be going through all of this if they weren't. It's only getting harder but that just reassures me that I'm getting closer. Look at life through the eyes of God and you'll never be able to look at it the same again. I miss Janelle, every day, that's not going to change. But it's changed me. And I know for a fact I wouldn't be where I am right now without Him. Her death wasn't meant to break me but change me. I didn't know it at first but with time it all started to lay itself out.

It's hard to accept it's time for someone to go. We have to understand that it's not our timing but it's God's timing. And if you are going through it, it's for a reason. You may not understand right away but have faith in God. Put all your worries, doubts, fears, questions, pain, everything in His hands and watch Him work.

RIP Janelle Rodriguez. Te Amo.