It is May and somehow, I feel as if I have lost at least 10 years of my life... why is that? Well, it might sound crazy and a little over the top for some people, but it is because of two nights of New York Mets baseball. Let me tell you something really quick, this team gives me, and I am sure other Mets nothing but agita.

Listen if back on March 25thright before the season started someone came up to me and said the Mets would be 15-14 on May 1st if you just sign here, I would have signed in half a second just because it was a winning record. But if I knew how they would have gotten to this 15-14 record, I think I would have run away in half a second if that same proposal was offered to me. I cannot specifically tell you what has made this start so frustrating for me, or what has made this team so frustrating other than its just the Mets. I also think the timing of me writing this article is not necessarily ideal in regard to my emotions towards the team but let me paint the picture for you.

April 29th I am driving back home from school and I am listening to the game on the radio, the Mets fall behind the Reds 4-0 and somehow find a way to tie the game 4-4. Sounds nice right, no. The team left 13 MEN ON BASE. Now I am sure if you are a baseball fan you have had a time where you have listened to a game on the radio and the suspense of every pitch is so frustrating. Just multiply that frustration by 100 when you have to sit and wait to hear what happens on a pitch when your team is in a 4-4 game there are runners on second and third and it's a 3-2 count. (You know just writing about what I went through Monday is giving me anxiety, like some type of sickening New York Mets PTSD.)

But WAIT, it gets better. As I finally get home it is the top of the 9th inning and the Mets send out arguably the best closer in baseball, Edwin Diaz. Diaz gets the first two outs with ease, then, well Keith Hernandez happened. See I do not believe in the announcer jinx, but when Keith Hernandez, Mets announcer says "Gary, lefties are hitting triple zeros(.000 batting average/no hits) off Diaz this year," then a lefty steps into the box, I feared what was going to happen in that still 4-4 game. I almost wanted to turn off the tv and just go to bed but I did not, and I should have because the first pitch Diaz threw ... gone forever. Reds go up 5-4 the Mets go down 1-2-3 in the bottom half of the inning and that's all she wrote for that game. See I try not to let a Mets loss in April get me pissed off, but a game like that, yeah, I woke up the next morning almost wanting to fast forward to 7:10 p.m. just to get the next game going and forget about the loss.

Alright so its April 30th now and it's game two of a four-game series with the Reds, the Mets are sending arguably their worst pitcher to the mound, Jason Vargas, and are going up against arguably the best pitcher in baseball so far this season, Reds ace, Luis Castillo (and that name does not sit well with Mets fans, if you know, you know). As I am watching the game, thank god, because it avoids some of the frustration of having to listen on the radio, I just fully expect a blow-out loss hoping the Mets can somehow win the next two with deGrom and Syndergaard pitching and keep their same record.

But then the Mets do what the Mets do best.

When you expect them to lose, they make you believe they are going to win, and when you expect them to win, they lose. They somehow find a way to get a 3-1 lead into the ninth inning, they get some help in the eighth inning from a Joey Votto baserunning error and even though our favorite reliever Jeryus Familia is pitching they have pretty good control on the game. THEN, when Familia strikes out the first two batters of the 9thinning I am REALLY confident, I literally said to myself "alright now, there is no way they lose this game." UNTIL THEY ALMOST DID.

With two outs Familia, walked a man on 4 pitches, hit a man, gave up FOUR STRAIGHT HITS and before I knew it I was staring at a TV screen that said 3-3 top 9 bases loaded two outs, with Drew Gagnon coming in, a pitcher who I frankly knew very little to nothing about. The Mets did it to me again, I'm now laying on the floor with my head in my hands, tweeting "I hate being a Mets fan" literally only the Mets can do this to a fan back to back nights. Once the Reds tied the game, I then told myself "no way they win this game." Isn't that sickening, within 10 minutes I went from believing they had no chance to lose, to no chance to win?

Baseball for you, people.

To make it worse, instead of just losing the game in 9 innings, they make you believe that they might still win this game by somehow getting it to extra innings. Then, with two outs in the top of the 10th Gagnon walks a guy, then an error on the infield and suddenly the Mets are faced with first and third with two outs, I am literally ready to break the tv. But guys, once again the anxiety is not over... Gagnon gets in and out of the Jam and the first batter of the 10th inning is JD Davis. JD then decides to have a 10 pitch at bat where he fouls off 6 pitches, only to end up lacing a double in the gap. THEN Jeff McNeil comes up and first pitch swings at a ball in the dirt(something he rarely does) and I'm now thinking "we are going to get a leadoff double and leave him there" clearly the Mets are capable of doing that since they left 13 men on base the night before! McNeil on the second pitch then ropes a single and I'm thinking finally the game is over, but of course, it was hit too hard for Davis to score from second so now our rookie Pete Alonso who is 0-4 in the game is up with 1st and 3rd nobody out. Now I am thinking "okay NO SHOT THEY DON'T SCORE HERE THEY HAVE TO WIN THIS GAME" ... Alonso looks at two straight strikes and I am suddenly back thinking the worst.

Luckily for me, still laying on the floor with my head in my hands I did not have to live through that, as Alonso hit a deep fly ball to right and the Mets won the game.

See, I might sound like a crazy obsessed dramatic fan, but when you are a Mets fan, the team will give you so much agita, so much heartbreak and disappointment that even a walk-off win is painful, stressful but fun all at the same time. I guess that is the problem with the team so far this year, every win has seemed difficult, and I know winning in professional sports, in general, is difficult but the Mets, well as you can tell based on my very in-depth description of two consecutive nights take it to a whole other level.

P.S. they did it to me again the next night giving up a two-out solo home run in the ninth and losing the game 1-0 oh and then three days later when they went 18 innings took the lead 3-2 in the top half of the innings then lost 4-3 in the bottom half. HAHA.

The pain... but no matter what I'll still forever bleed Orange and Blue.