I graduate college in 99 days. That is single-handedly the most terrifying, intimidating, yet proud statement I may have ever written. In 99 short days, I'll be anxiously fidgeting with my tassel awaiting hearing my name get announced to receive my diploma. In 99 short days, I'll get to hear my mother, proud as ever, yell for me as she sees her son do what he never thought he'd do. In 99 short days, it will all be over. Here's the catch, the scariest part; I don't know what I want to do with my life post-graduation.

I'm 21, 22 by the time I graduate with a Bachelor's degree in Criminal Justice, but I don't have the slightest clue as to what I want to pursue as a career after college is all said and done. Not knowing what I want to do after completing school is the thought that keeps me awake most nights. Being completely honest, it eats me alive.

I believe social media is a very influential factor in this identity crisis. I can't go anywhere and I can't sign onto any social media without being reminded that I don't "have my sh*t together." It's a constant slap in the face. Everyone around me is either getting engaged, married, and having children, buying their first houses, and starting their careers, while I'm observing and comparing my life to theirs from the sideline. Seeing everyone else accomplish such monumental milestones makes me feel as if I'm falling behind or that I've already failed when in reality, I haven't even gotten started yet. I haven't even left the starting line, my time has yet to come.

Social media has become so toxic in our lives, it pins us against one another and turns life into a competition. Life is not a race. We need to remember that not everyone is on the same path in life. We weren't dealt the same cards as anyone else in this world. Just because someone else has done something huge before I have, like getting married or buying a house, doesn't mean that I won't accomplish that in my life, it will just take a little longer. There's absolutely nothing wrong with taking your time. There is nothing wrong with just "being". Our society has created such a rush to be the wealthiest, the most successful, the smartest, etc, and somewhere along the way we've lost our ability to just be ourselves. We lost that ability to feel free to breathe and create our own paths rather than try to carry the burden of social expectation.

We do not all wake up with the same goals and dreams in mind. Life has a lot of rules but nowhere in the handbook does it say "must be married with at least 1 kid and another on the way by age 24." While that might sound like living the life to some, that isn't the case for everybody, myself included. Not all of us want to graduate high school or college and jump straight into a lifelong career, not all of us are lucky to know where our passions lie. Not all of us have it all quite figured out just yet, and that's okay. Thinking you're the only one in the world with this problem though, is not okay. We all like to pretend we have our shit together, but it's all for show.

I wish I could've been one of those kids who knew exactly what they wanted and when they wanted it before they even got through elementary school, but I wasn't. I still don't. I don't have my stuff "together", but I'm finally okay with that. I think the most fun comes from figuring it out. Instead of looking at it like I'm failing or falling behind in life, I'm viewing it as an opportunity to find myself, an opportunity I'm very excited to embark on.

When I think about my twenties, I think about all the fun I want to have, not slaving away at a job that makes me feel dead inside, not the same old boring 9-5 routine. Why would I want to rush into a career field where I'm not passionate or happy about the work I'm doing just to secure a job? I would rather be broke and happy than miserably working away at a job I dread going to. I'm excited to try my hand at different trades, go through various jobs, and maybe even fail at a couple of them, because this will bring growth. I don't see failure as a bad thing, just a way to figure out what you do and don't want in your life. How will I find my passion if I don't go searching for it in multiple places?

I have my whole life ahead of me, I'm young and I want to enjoy it. I don't want to look back on my golden years with regret, wishing I had lived just a little more. You don't get that time back. I don't want it all figured out just yet, and I believe it will be pretty exciting getting able to. As odd as it may sound, I don't want whatever my end game will be, right now. I don't want a lavish house, a promising career, and kids just yet. One day, of course, but not right now. I have all the time in the world for that. Right now, I'm excited to struggle. I'm excited to live in a shoebox-sized apartment with the love of my life, eating ramen while we wait for our clothes to dry at the local laundromat. I'll hate myself at the time for it, but I'm excited to find ways to meet rent because I just spent the last of my money traveling or doing something that made me feel more alive than bills ever could. I'm excited to spread my wings and fly on my own only to fall, because that is when growth happens. I can't wait to really, truly find myself and expand from there. If at one point I hit rock bottom, good, because from there, there's only one way to go; up.

Life is not a race, life is not a competition. Maybe your best friend wants to settle down young and start a family right away when you don't, that's okay. It's their life, not yours. You are in control of your own destiny. Life shouldn't be taken so seriously. The most important thing to remember is to be patient with yourself. It's okay to be twenty-or-thirty-something and not have it all quite together just yet. Find what it is you love and chase it. Don't take no for an answer. You're never too old to find whatever it is that makes you tick and sets your soul on fire. The road to finding it is half the fun, especially when you have to pave it yourself. As long as you have life, you have the power of taking control of your situation. I'm rooting for you.