Have you ever noticed how sometimes, not always, but sometimes, the universe seems to be speaking to you? Especially when shit is crazy in your life ... all of a sudden every song, TV show, movie etc. seems to be about EXACTLY what you are dealing with? It's torture! You can't do anything without something jumping up to scream ... "Hey, you know that thing you are trying not to think about? Look at this!!!"

It's enough to make you crazy ... until you are slightly more removed from the situation and realize the world is always about these things because ... well ... it's life, and life is kinda fucked up.

Either that ... or I am some sort of weird narcissistic fucktard, OR ... I am, as I have often pondered, the star of some sort of Truman Show style prank show ... inspired by the Book of Job.

Anyway ... I was reading a book that I love. An old classic that just sort of makes me happy even though it's actually a pretty sad book. John Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men ... maybe reading about the Great Depression gives me some perspective ... either way, love the book. But this time ... it was mean to me! Turns out ... hidden in the plight of the transient migrant farmer is a relationship advice manual that I feel I need to out to the world. Ok ... back to my original point. I am a reader. I know ... imagine that. The self-professed nerd that makes odd references about three people on the planet understand also reads BOOKS ... for FUN?

Trust me B. I do this out of love!

There is actually a lot that happens in the book ... and it's a great story. So if you haven't read it and don't want the story spoiled, stop here and come back later. Seriously, you can read this book in a couple hours.

But if you, like most, at the very least faked your way through "reading" it in high school and have at least a vague recollection of the story, or cheated and watched the movie with John Malkovich, please continue.

Of Mice and Men is a novel written by John Steinbeck in 1937 which basically tells how much the Great Depression sucked from the perspective of two migrant farmers named George and Lennie. For those of you unfamiliar with the story here is a brief spoiler. George, the intelligent but uneducated, down on his luck guy finds himself the hetero-life mate of Lennie; the Forrest Gump type character, without the dumb luck that makes him wealthy beyond any realistic belief. Together they travel the western United States working odd jobs until Lennie’s oafish innocence runs them out of town - this happens quite a bit. They share this fantasy of owning their own farm one day so … well … they stop getting run the hell out of town every time someone throws rape accusations at poor Lennie. Lennie also has an odd affinity for soft fluffy things (kind of a clue where those rape charges come from).

This repeatedly gets him in trouble, and ultimately leads to his demise, but I’ll get to that in a minute. One of Lennie’s favorite things is to have George tell him the story of their farm. Not the farm in general. The rabbits; "Tell me again George, about the rabbits." Lennie longs to tend to the rabbits on the farm … because … well … he likes soft and fluffy things and rabbits are ... well ... you see where I am going with this. So on their travels George will retell this story to Lennie, and Lennie finds simple bliss in this fantasy. But there is one thing I failed to mention about Lennie. He’s a really big guy, and a farmhand, so he’s really strong. Being so simple (and by that I mean if George W. Bush and Mike Tyson somehow could together create a child ... we would have Lennie), he isn’t aware of his own strength and has a tendency to well, kill soft and fluffy things.

You see it know don’t you? You’ll never un-see it!

Now how boring would the story be if it were just these two guys fumbling around from place to place? The bulk of this tale takes place on a farm where Lennie and George have gotten a job. The farm is run by a short, arrogant little fuck of a man named Curley. (I'll let you make your own jokes there). He is your classic asshole with an inferiority complex that he hides with boorish behavior and a hot wife that he treats like shit. Though I have forever wondered how he landed the hot wife, but I’ll get to that in a minute. Among the other farm hands are Candy and Crooks (there are others ... but who cares). Each of these teach their own little lesson. We will start with them, because they’re simple.

Candy

Candy is old man who has spent his life as a farm hand. He also lost his hand as a farm hand. He is fully aware of his situation and realizes that there won’t be much use for a guy like him in the world soon enough. Everything is shit and he’s not young and strong like he used to be. Also ... he is sort of missing a hand. He has this old smelly dog, which your English teacher will tell you is symbolic of his struggle and place in society ... really ... he's old, so its not surprising his dog is too. How many old people do you know with puppies? Later in the story his fellow farm hands kill his old dog … which is another one of those oddly foreshadowing things your teacher tells you to look for, but really it’s a moment of “Fuck … that could be me” in Candy’s eyes. After that, he quickly latched onto George and Lenny’s dream, offering his life savings to be a partner.

Sure, take my life savings, you roaming weirdos! What could possibly wrong??

Life Lesson

Sometimes desperation makes us cling to things, even if deep down we know it’s a bad idea.

Crooks

Crooks is the quintessential black guy in the book. Remember this is the Great Depression where black people were still .... well ... not looked upon with kindness - I think is the best way to say it; but if honesty is the goal ... generally disregarded and treated like shit. This is an important point because Crooks was abused and berated by everyone on the farm ... except George and Lennie. Well ... George had his moments, but Lennie is the lovable oaf who doesn't understand hating people for no reason other than what they look like ... one of the ways Lennie is actually superior to other characters in the book. He also is the only person on the farm that understands George's devotion to Lennie, and other than George, the only person that shows kindness to Lennie. Crooks is one of my favorite characters in this book because his kindness in the face of such hatred and arrogance shows the true potential of the human spirit. He, like Candy, is looked down upon – but whereas Candy gets a bit cranky and cynical about it all, Crooks maintains a sort of excitement for life. He was all on board and ready to join in on the wild plans George and Lennie had made – until George proved to be a veiled racist; or maybe George just knew the world well enough to know that it wasn’t ready for that level of acceptance. Who knows. Anyway … the point being …

Despite all that kindness ... he still gets shit on and constantly berated and belittled ... especially by Curley's wife - which makes you a little happy at the end of the story - Sure he has his moments of general dickish-ness as well, but overall he is an inspiring character with a kind heart and confidence. Who everyone looks at with disdain and distrust.

Seriously, people suck

Life Lesson

Sometimes the best people in the world are the one’s you always dismissed and would have never thought to lean upon.

Curley

Curley runs the farm. He doesn't own the farm ... he runs the farm. His DADDY owns the farm. Yeah ... he's that guy. He is the Donald J. Trump of the book, pretends to have worked so hard and been so successful when really he is just living off the spoils of his father’s success. He also thinks he's a total bad ass. You a little bit cheer when Lennie crushes his damn hand (small hands too … just like Trump … hmmm). Curley hates Lennie because Lennie isn’t smart or suave, and is an easy target. People like Curley love easy targets. The Trump parallels are starting to freak me out here.

Seriously? Look at this fucker? Don't you just HATE him?

Curley is an egotistical fucker and I have little that is kind to say about him. Suffice it to say that even during the Great Depression there was that smarmy asshole living off his rich dad, overcompensating for what a piece of shit he is with the hot wife he landed by being a rich kid and then making her feel enough like shit that she felt lucky to have him.

Life Lesson

Being insecure manifests all the worst aspects of your personality. Ego makes you an asshole, pride makes people, including your wife, hate you.

Most importantly, being with someone who doesn't like you or worse yet makes YOU not like you ... sucks.

The Hot Wife ... AKA Curley's Wife

Steinbeck put a lot of thought into that name, huh? Well for those of you using this as an entertaining Cliffnotes - the impersonal nature of her name suits her role in the story. She isn't a person, as much a thing. Property to be shown off, and do with as you please. This ... to me ... is one of the saddest characters in the story. Oddly ... it has little to do with her exit from the novel, which is and of itself, just heartbreaking. Somehow, though, I actually think in a twisted way, her dying was the best thing that could have happened to her. She was a beautiful young woman who had big dreams for herself, yet she ended up married to an asshole and living a life of lonely neglect with an emotionally absent and often abusive husband. The pretty girls always fall for the dicks, don't they?

Tell me I'm worthless again ... its so hot!

She spends most of the story flirting her way around the farm. The farmhands all warn George and Lennie about Curley's wife ... and how Curley will ... you know ... kill them if they mess around with her. Lennie wouldn't know what to do with a woman, but George is pretty hard up I assume. So you can feel the tension surrounding her from the beginning. The men are the farm do little to help her, as they essentially perpetuate the image of her that was created by her fuck face husband. They call her a “tart” or a “whore” based solely on her appearance. She isn’t a person to her husband, or to anyone on that farm actually. She is a side show, a source of amusement and gossip and to her husband – bragging rights. There is the potential for debate about her character – as many point to her role in the story as the “evil” that destroys dreams, I tend to see her as the manifestation of the evil in the hearts of men. Her dreams died at the hands of her husband, and in turn she kills the dreams of all those who watched it happen. Poetic really.

Curley's wife dies in this story. How? Loneliness, lovelessness, and ... Lennie. Basically how it goes is like this. Curley is off being a "manly man" somewhere, and Curley's wife is left alone. She goes looking for some company and finds Lennie in the barn, all sad about the puppy he just killed. Not by being mean or evil, but by him loving it too much. Not knowing the strength of his love, he kills the little puppy. This is always the point in the book where I begin to ugly cry. You'd think she'd have had a clue to take off then, or at the very least keep her distance ... but. She tries to make him feel better, and get some desperately needed attention at the same time. This scene is actually kind of beautiful in that you see a softness to her, that until this moment she hadn't shown. She hid her sadness behind pretty dresses and red lipstick - but here with Lennie, you see the young, beautiful and caring girl she once was. She is kind to Lennie, reassures him that he isn't bad, and then she lets him touch her hair ... because ... it's soft, and fluffy. At these, what become her last moments, so is she ... and Lennie likes fluffy things …

But Lennie is Lennie and he gets carried away. She gets scared, he gets scared, the fear cycle continues and in the end Curley's wife joins the puppy in a sad reality.

Curley's wife ... the original Forever Alone

Life Lesson

Loneliness can be very, very dangerous if you let it get the best of you.

Lennie

Lennie ... poor sweet Lennie. He is a central part of the story ... an important lesson in love and life. But because his lesson is not as great as George's we will discuss him now. At the beginning of the story we learn that George and Lennie are off looking for new work because they were forced to leave their previous accommodations due to rape allegations made against Lennie. Really what happened was ... Lennie wanted to touch the pretty soft silk dress a nice pretty lady was wearing. As any normal person would do when an large oafish man starts grabbing their dress the lady panicked. Lennie, unable to explain and George, smart enough to know that in this time they'd have just beaten the dumb out of Lennie, decided it was best to take leave of that place. So off they went.

At this new farm, and right before shit does down with Curley's wife ... one of the farmhands had given Lennie a puppy, knowing his innocence and affinity for soft things. But ... Lennie inadvertently kills the puppy. Not out of malice, not out of anger ... he was just petting the puppy. But remember, he knows not is own strength. This is the same thing that happens with Curley's wife, and likely every soft thing he has loved in his life; which breaks my heart every time I think of it.

Seems Legit .... pssh Women

Life Lesson

It is possible to love something so much you kill it, including your relationship.

George

Poor George. You really feel for him throughout this book. He is obviously a very smart guy who, in any other time period and/or circumstance, could and should have been wildly successful. He, at the request of someone he truly cared for, has promised to help Lennie through the world, and his loyalty and quality as a human being are proven in how he has not only stood by him, but protected him through all the .... well ... you know ... rape stuff.

But all the loyalty and devotion in the world can't help Lennie after Curley's wife ends up dead. Lennie ran off to hide, as George had instructed him to if he got in trouble. When everyone finds Curley's wife they are either outraged or just looking for an outlet for their overall frustration with life. I can't really believe that they were mourning her, as they didn't value her alive that much. Her death seems to trigger a "you broke my toy" reaction in Curley - and everyone else jumps on the bandwagon of outrage. Either way shit is about to get real and George knows it. Luckily ... he knows where to look. He runs off and finds Lennie who is scared, and crying, and apologetic ... to George! He knows he let him down. He is sad that he disappointed him, and he is worried he may have ruined their dream once more. George ... knowing all this to be true still protects Lennie. He calms him down and begins to tell him "about the rabbits". Lennie sits, with a simple smile listening to the story ... then George shoots Lennie in the head - to protect him from the violent mob searching the woods for him. Lennie's not so 'gentle giant' love killed Curley's wife ... and George's love, loyalty and devotion killed Lennie, out of love for him. He would prefer Lennie to die in the water, happy, imaging their farm, and their rabbits without a thought in the world as to what had just happened, or what would happen if he were found.

There is this farm see .... and we have these rabbits ::I love you Lennie:: Bang

Its actually a very emotional moment and I dare you to not get chocked up ... just a little.

Life Lesson

Sometimes ... the best thing you can do is just end the whole thing because everyone is better off that way. Even if it's the most painful thing you can imagine.

Bet you wish you had actually read this book when they told you too now. I'm off to dry my tears and mourn my dear Lennie once more. As I do that, takes Steinbeck's hidden lessons to heart.