Growing up, I had many favorite movies that would be played in a constant loop – Disney sing-a-longs, Homeward Bound, Cinderella…but most of all, "Return To Oz." Never heard of it? It’s a little known sequel to "Wizard of Oz" made in 1985 that took a darker turn than the original 1939 story--so dark that many parents mistakenly had their kids watch thinking it'd be full of more Emerald Cities and color-changing horses; they immediately regretted the decision when they were met with electro-shock therapy, decapitated heads, and roller-blading psychos. Thankfully my parents, although confused by the obsession, let me watch it daily. Thank you mom and dad because this movie prepared me for life.
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SLAY.
1. Don’t have nightmares because you’ll get Electro-Shock
Treatment
After Dorothy continues having dreams/nightmares about Oz,
Aunt Em takes her into a creepy hospital where she’s held down against her will
and has her brain shocked
(thanks 1930’s medicine!). No one likes to have
nightmares, but as a child it became my goal to not wind up in this
asylum. Never again did I complain about the 5-story Donald Duck chasing me
down Avenue of the Cities, or scary blood-hungry geese chasing me in the park. No, I would stifle them away because I knew I would end up getting my brain
shocked.
2. Wheels Don't Make The Man
When Dorothy gets to Oz, she’s no longer greeted by munchkins but instead by the Wheelers. They are half-human, half-scooter gang members with wheels for limbs and hyena-like laughs. (I actually had quite a few nightmares about these dudes, but that never stopped me from continuously watching the movie… see #1) As I got older I realized that just because a guy has a sweet set of wheels, this doesn't necessarily make him nice....or attractive, for that matter.
To this day, if I hear a squeaking wheel I immediately think it’s a Wheeler.
3. Two-Faced People Just Need Some Love
Meet Queen Mombi. Looks like your normal Queen, right?
NOPE.
Queen Mombi decapitates young women and puts their heads behind glass, so she can wear a different head depending on the day/mood. (Why I was not terrified by this as a child still baffles me, but I digress.)
Growing up, and even in adulthood, there have always been those people who wear many faces. They will be sweet to your face and your worst enemy behind your back; they’ll not invite you to things and then say don't like hanging with people; they’ll wish you the best and quickly hope for the worst (Insert all Mean Girls references here). They’re lovely human beings, aren’t they? You never know what kind of person you will get as it all depends on what face they put on for the conversation. We all have a Queen Mombi in life, and, like Dorothy, sometimes we have to confront our enemies and show them that life is much easier with their one true head... or personality.
Disclaimer: If there’s someone in your life actually decapitating people and wearing their heads….stop being friends with them. And run.
4. Even Big Enemies Can Be Taken Down By The Smallest Things
Meet the Nome King
He’s the guy who seized Oz and caused the whole mess. He’s
been turning the citizens of the Emerald City into stone and making pretty
trinkets out others. He also somehow managed to grab the ruby slippers after Dorothy's first visit. Jerk. Turns out,
even after taking over an entire city and manipulating Queen Decapitation, the biggest,
rockiest bad guys always have a weakness, and in this case, it’s eggs. Luckily,
Dorothy has her talking chicken with her and the day is saved!
(Yes, talking chicken. If I wrote an article on all the weirdness of this movie, it’d go
on for days.)
NOOOOOO…..DAIRY!!!
5. True Friends Will Always Help You
Tik-Tok was constantly needing to be re-wound, Jack
Pumpkinhead kept referring to Dorothy as ‘Mom’ and Gump kept needing the Powder of
Life in order to be alive. We all have a Tik Tok, Jack Pumpkinhead, and
Gump that we would do anything for and they would do anything for us. No matter how weird or terrifying they may seem, when you find someone with a compassionate heart (even if it's made of pumpkin or tin), it could be the start of a beautiful friendship. Don't take them for granted as they may be the only way home.
Author's note: This is only about 5 percent of what the movie actually holds. If you've seen it, what other life lessons have you learned? If you've never seen this movie, please clear your schedule for the next two hours and watch it.
