One of the few Valentine's Day movies that came out this year was "How to Be Single" starring Dakota Johnson, Rebel Wilson, Leslie Mann and Alison Brie. The romantic comedy centers around a recent college graduate named Alice, played by Dakota Johnson, who is figuring out "how to be single" after ending things with her boyfriend of four years. Rebel Wilson's character, Robin, acts as her single life guru.
The movie definitely made me laugh and makes excellent points about hookup culture, how difficult life can be when you're young and figuring out who you are, adulthood, the pains of being a woman, the complications of dating for everyone, and so on.
The first time I saw the trailer was over Christmas break, when I was fresh off the breakup of my first serious relationship. The trailer was hilarious and I remember thinking, "What perfect timing for this movie to come out." I texted my best friend that we HAD to see "How to Be Single" for Galentine's Day.
Walking into the theatre on February 16th, I expected to laugh. I expected to see the struggle of women trying to balance life, I expected to love the movie. What I didn't expect, was to learn a sobering fact about myself and walk out of the theatre with great life advice.
In the movie, Robin and Alice have a verbal fight in one scene. During this friendship spat, Robin points out that every time a guy shows any interest in Alice, she completely loses herself and falls into his "dick sand." It's like quicksand, but with guys instead of sinking sand. As hilarious and inappropriate as the line was, Robin had a good point. As she explained her sinking pit of men metaphor, I felt as though she were speaking to me.
I realized that I had the same problem as Alice: any time a guy shows any interest in me, my whole world suddenly revolves around them and what they think of me. Should I pursue him back? What should I text? Should I go to this event because he'll be there? It goes on and on.
I believe it stems from the fact that I am in love with the idea of love. I don't go into relationships quickly or easily, but when I think there is even the slightest bit of potential in a guy, I often lose my head and can only think of him and my interactions with him.
The part where Robin says that Alice "loses herself" really struck me. I have always been a very headstrong person, and never thought I would change myself for a guy (or anyone) or lose myself. I was wrong, though, and quite unfortunately, really lost myself when I was with my first serious boyfriend.
I don't know when in the relationship it happened, because I think it was a gradual process, but I know that I finally realized in December enough was enough; I needed to leave the relationship that had made me forget who I am.
It's been amazing being myself again, it's like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I'm able to breathe. I'm loving being single, and am looking forward to actually enjoying this time and spending it well after watching "How to Be Single."
Towards the end, Alice narrates (and I'm paraphrasing here) that being single isn't just about not being in a romantic relationship. There comes a time in life when you aren't tied to your family, or friends or any serious obligations. This is a crucial time where you need to learn to be comfortable with yourself, and take advantage of your singlehood. You should use it to wholly invest in yourself, to figure out what you like, what you don't like. To learn a new skill and go somewhere you've always wanted to go. Become independent in every way, so you can rely on yourself.
Because when you can rely on yourself, and enjoy your own company and relish in your own accomplishments, then your future relationships (with anyone) will be a million times better. Plus, when you can take care of yourself in every way, you'll better understand how to take care of and love another person.
So, I'm changing my 'single life' behavior. I'm going to take this time to really separate myself from any romantic relationships. I'm not going to worry about guys, I'm not going to pursue anyone. I'm just going to enjoy my own company and do whatever I want. I'm going to love my friends and family because I neglected them during my past romantic relationship. And I'm going to love myself because I neglected myself too.
If you haven't seen it yet, I (obviously) highly recommend you see "How to Be Single." There's great advice in there for everyone, trust me.
