As I've mulled over writing this piece, I have told myself that I have been struggling to find the words for what I need to say- but that isn't the truth. The truth is, I haven't really been able to figure out what I wanted to say. A flood of truth, emotion and humanity has overwhelmed me; maybe it will come out right.
I have had a week from Hell. Forgive me, my sweet Baptist and Pentecostal readers, but it's the truth. If I had to imagine what a week devised by Satan looked like, I would turn you to an instant replay of mine. It was simply one of those weeks that seemingly compounded on top of itself. Momentum continuously built, issues arose and were not solved, my foundation was tested. I won't get into the terrible details of things because I do not want this to seem like a pity party, but you should know that by Friday, I had all but snapped.
Friday is the day all individuals over five years old pray to reach. We say things like, "if I can only just make it to Friday, things will be better." If the things which challenge you are menial at best, you're absolutely right. The termination of Friday will lead into No-Responsibility-Saturday. If what ails you is even remotely serious however, you're absolutely wrong.
Problems of the heart don't stop when you punch the time clock on Friday afternoon, nor do they cease when you drive away from campus after class. Matter of fact, if you had the week that I had, everything gets worse. See, when you leave that job or that school, the primary distraction also leaves. Suddenly, you cannot push off the issues that make your blood boil or your eyes brim with tears. You can't pretend like nothing is wrong. The curtains close on Friday, and you are left staring down the issues you've tried desperately to avoid.
Acknowledging our issues is perhaps even more uncomfortable than dealing with them. Because of the society that we currently live in, we think that our lives must be perfect. Some of us sacrifice our wellbeing to obtain that angelic image. Others of us will nearly sacrifice everything in order to achieve it. We play a never-ending game of manipulation with one another, and for what? The digital age that we live in presses forward with new ideas of beautiful or perfection everyday, and we are left scrambling to craft our image all over again. It is useless.
Now, I am not coming to you from this idealistic standpoint, quite the contrary. I am simply imparting some of what I have figured out onto you. A wise man once told me,
"If you expose your skeletons before anyone else has the opportunity to do so, you'll never be embarrassed in your life."
I took him seriously. Ironically, it was this individual that needed this advice the most. He was obsessed with self-image, trying so hard to attain perfection in the eyes of others that he lost himself along the way. He became so distorted that his own family could no longer be in his life. He became the worst of what we see in our society today.
On Friday, my week turned from bad to worse. I was slammed with news that tested my resolve for my career, which was then subsequently followed by news that tore my heart into two. I drove home on Friday in tears- ugly tears. For forty-five minutes, I did nothing but cry and sob. I couldn't even begin to face my issues for fear of losing composure and saying things I did not mean, so I did the only thing I could think to do. I came home and slept.
I think that tiny humans have it all figured out. We are the ones that contaminate their minds with our rules and stipulations of society. If they are hungry, they eat. If they are tired, they sleep. There is no shame in having to go to the bathroom, nor are there any stupid remarks with a toddler. Simple things bring joy, and the world is their sandbox. I know I could learn a thing or two from one. On Friday, I really could have used a few pointers.
Instead of waking up feeling refreshed, I awoke feeling terrified. My emotions had followed me into my dreams, which had then brought me back to reality. Even after Friday, my problems followed me like a black cloud. I was stuck on them, unable to move forward or around them. I just faced them bleakly, with no ingenious idea on how to stop the progression of dread until today. Today, I was struck with the idea that if I perhaps purged these issues onto paper and tried to find a bright side, maybe then I would feel better. Enthusiastically, I grabbed a notebook and went to town. When it came to finding the bright side in my situation, I hit a brick wall. I stared at the page, unable to find something positive about my situation. It was then that I had the epiphany.
Perhaps we are not faced with trials to find the bright side of things. Perhaps it is not our duty or obligation to 'make lemonade out of lemons.' Perhaps it is simply our responsibility to cut that lemon open and take a bite. Will it burn? It absolutely will, I won't lie to you. But it was through this burn that I was reminded of my insignificance. Through the simple acceptance of what is to come, I remembered that I could have it so much worse. See, the perfection-driven society we live in has caused us to become so self-centered, we often cannot look passed our own simple problems. Even if we try diligently to be different, we are still too consumed by own issues to have a heart for others.
What our world lacks is compassion, love. Maybe if we took a few more sour bites of lemons, we could see passed our problems and begin to help others. We could note that our bad work week cannot begin to hold a candle to the children around the world who haven't eaten this week, or the mothers and father unable to find clean drinking water. Maybe if we stopped worrying so much over ourselves, we could change the world.
It only takes one person to spark a revolution of change.
