Stay away from that boy. He's bad news and will only break your heart. You're better off without him anyway; he stops you from being proud of yourself.
Also, since we're talking about that, start being proud of yourself. You like to pretend that academics don't mean anything, that your accomplishments don't mean anything. Cut that out. Recognize your own hard work and give yourself a pat on the back for once.
Stand up for yourself. You let people walk all over you all the time. Don't let yourself think that by doing everything and being everything that everyone else wants that that's the only way you can show them that you care. Definitely don't think that them asking you for help and coming to you with everything means that they care. Sometimes people just want to know they have someone that will do anything for them.
Please, please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop smoking weed and cigarillos. It's bad for you, and regardless of how much you act like you like being cannabis-oriented, it turns you into somebody that you don't like. It dulls your colors and mutes your personality. You're better than that.
Be careful when you drink, okay? Don't be an idiot. You've seen what it can do to people, and you know what could happen. Think about that stuff before you act.
Listen, you are a beautiful person with a huge heart and a brilliant mind. Don't let yourself or let anyone else undermine those things because you aren't a size four and you don't wear makeup and dresses. Remember that looks aren't everything, and please don't let yourself convince your brain that they are. When that boy tries to ask you to dress nice just for him, punch him right in the face and look in the mirror and say, "I dress the way I want for me and nobody else. I do all of this for me."
Go see a therapist. I'm serious about that one.
Make more time for your parents and your siblings. I know you want to have a ton of friends and be around them all the time, but friends aren't forever. At least, most of the time they aren't. Friends come and go, but family stays around for your entire life. And once you realize that, you're going to wish you had more memories and pictures with them instead of some girl from eleventh grade.
Do not—and I repeat, do not—try to hide who you are from people. All it will do is make you feel sad and isolated, and it will create a gap between the people you love and yourself. Give them the benefit of the doubt, and share yourself with them.
Hold on to the people that you care about that you want to remain in your life. Graduating high school and moving schools and towns can really make it difficult to remain friends with people. Growing up and changing can allow people to easily slip out of importance and reach. However, fight for the ones you want and need in your life, but learn how to let go of the people that you don't need or that take away from you.
Lastly, and maybe most importantly, recognize that change is healthy. Allow yourself to change and adapt. Let yourself do and go wherever you want. If you want to spend a whole day on the couch watching TV or reading a book, let yourself do that, regardless of what you feel like you should be doing. You are the one that gives your life and yourself value, not anyone else. You are important just because you exist. Now you get to decide what else adds importance to your life. You don't owe anyone anything, and they don't owe you anything either.
Life is beautiful, and so are you—heart, body and mind. Remember that, and remember that you are your own number one priority. Take care of yourself, and don't forget—have fun, too!
Sincerely,
A 21-year-old me
