About 63 years ago, my grandfather was transmitting Morse code between various American Army officers in South Korea. He held up the rear of the line of U.S. soldiers and drove around in the back of a truck when there wasn’t any fighting going on. He abandoned home-cooked Italian sacchettini with ricotta and pesto sauce for canned beans and SPAM. Just 19-years-old, he left home to go to an unknown land with yet unknown struggles and consequences.
Later, 55 years ago, my aunt was a seven-year-old in war-stricken Vietnam. Residing a mere twenty miles from My Lai, her small existence was far from secure. Growing up with six other kids in the house would be chaotic during any time period, but keeping track of the safety of all of those kids would have been extremely difficult when everyone’s safety and well-being was up in the air. My aunt narrowly escaped death when she and a friend were on their way to the outhouse; a grenade fell to the ground in front of the door but failed to blow up, surreptitiously saving their lives.
Reflecting on tragic and uncertain circumstances my relatives have lived through compels me to meditate on my own life as well. I have certainly never been drafted into the military or forced to live in a violent war zone. Thinking about these misfortunes often makes me think of my own struggles as minuscule in comparison. My life has never been in danger, and I have never really had to take care of myself completely—even while I was away in Ohio for college, I still had financial and emotional support from my family—so how could my own problems be anything but infinitesimal?
The problem with this line of thinking is that it does nothing to help one solve one’s own problems or get through one’s own struggles. Rather, it diminishes the importance of the common events that we all, as humans, have difficulty facing. It's ok if you receive a bad grade on a test you studied really hard for, and then to feel angry or upset. It's ok if a loved one betrays you, then you cry in the dorm room. It's ok if you are too depressed to get out of bed, to seek out help—even if others don’t see this as a “real” problem. Focusing on whether or not we are justified in feeling defeated by life is counterproductive. Sure, many people have been through and continue to live through much worse, but we are doing ourselves a disservice by not validating our own hardships.
Life is a war zone tailor-made just for you. Everyone has their own battles to fight.
For me, I see my relatives as inspiration. My grandfather lived through the Korean War and started his own company, where he worked for many years before retiring to the Jersey shore. My aunt came to the United States at 16, all by herself and now owns a small business (and makes the best Pina Coladas outside of the Caribbean). Instead of feeling ashamed of my own problems in the wake of their issues, I am inspired by their resilience. If people in my family can endure these big problems, I definitely can conquer the issues I encounter on a day-to-day basis.
If we all stopped feeling guilty for being sad and worked on validating each other’s hardships, we could overcome much more than we would ever guess.
