Provision. If you know me, you know this word is something that evokes a lot of anxiety in me. Especially as of late. It seems my entire college career provision has been something I have needed or something God has continually been teaching me about. But why do I, why do we, as Christians, continually struggle with trusting God's provision and timing in our lives?

Today I tried to buy a car. I need it so badly. I've driven the same 2000 Toyota Camry since my junior year of high school. It has a massive oil leak, no line for my windshield wiper fluid, and the engine likes to get really hot and smoke a little. To boot, my interior door handle broke over the summer which means I have to get out of my car by opening my window and using the exterior door handle. It's a mess. I was so excited to buy my new car, to be making my first 'adult' purchase. I mean I'm 23 and I still haven't bought anything significant. I haven't moved out. I have no massive bills to pay. No credit cards. Nothing. Many of you are probably reading this and thinking that I am crazy for wanting car payments and all the exciting expenses that go along with being a grown up. Honestly, I am so thankful that I don't have all those things to worry about now because in a few months I will. But, there's something to say about paying bills. It instills a mindset of responsibility, independence and empowerment, even if money is tight.

I just wanted to prove to my family and those around me that I can take care of myself, that I didn't need help. So, I thought today was the day. Sadly, I was denied financing because I don't have full-time income or credit history. (Why they expect a full-time student to be able to handle a full-time job is beyond me... but no one asks me the big questions.) The first thought I had was, "God why can't favor fall on my family and I today? Why is it that when things go wrong for us they reallygo wrong? Why can't I just have this one good thing?" You see, in the past month our family has been through the ringer. We have replaced 2 cars and two have had minor collisions. It all happens at once for us.

My first reaction was to blame God. Why?! Why do we often delay giving him the praise, or sometimes not even praise him at all, when good things happen but the second something goes wrong it’s all His fault?

Here's my theory. We live in abundance. As middle or upper class Americans, we can, in most cases, hop in the car and drive ten minutes and buy anything we want in 15 different colors and sizes. If we need or want something we have the ability to provide for ourselves. That in turn may cause us to not look to God to provide for us. We think, "Oh I need _____, I'll just got buy it." Something I've noticed in my own life is I actually can no longer identify the everyday needs and wants that God does provide for. So when I have a big need and he doesn't come through I'm pissed and I don't understand why God says no.

The truth is, we live such cluttered, busy, hectic lives that we simply can't see when God is providing for us. I spent this summer serving in a community where people had nothing in the way of material possessions. They had to drive over an hour to go shopping and most don't have the means to buy clothes the way we do. They lived simply. Their lives were peaceful and quiet. Now, that may have had something to do with living in the middle of the desert but I think there is something to be said about living in the desert and the clarity it brings. You see, because life is simple and uncluttered for my friends in the desert they know when God shows up. They know when he provides and they are thankful. For the big things and the small, seemingly insignificant things. I lived this way for three months. It changes your perspective on the pointless worries and copious amounts of junk that we surround ourselves with. When you live in that kind of solitude and barrenness you can see and know God and the way he pours out his provision because you are more aware of your need.

So the initial question still remains: why do we as Christians continually struggle with trusting God's provision and timing in our lives? There's a disconnect. WE have the means to provide so WE don't need to rely on God. I think we can agree that we are a culture that loves to push blame on everyone else when things go wrong so our first move is to place blame on the God who is supposed to provide for our every need. What a warped view of the character of God.

MATTHEW 6:25-29 MSG

25-26 “If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.

27-29 “Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them."

We know a God who placed stars in the night sky and knows their names. We know a God who cares for the birds and flowers. We know a God who created us as human, in his image. We are the pinnacle of this world he formed with his hands. If he cares for the birds and flowers and knows each star in the sky and set this huge crazy world into motion, why doubt him? We benefit nothing from not trusting in the Father. Let him change your perspective. Let him shatter your expectations of who he his and what he can do. Throw away your previous way of thinking. Throw out the junk. Live in the desert. Live simply so you may know him and his ways. God always provides for his people. He will never leave you wanting. Trust Him.