1. How to hide your diary: make a decoy.

Instructions: get a random notebook, label it "Diary", stick it on the bookshelf, and hide the old one under the bed.

Bonus: my uncle suggested to write only boring things to discourage other readers/write in a book that other people would never expect you to write in.

2. How to make your bed in the morning: don’t.

Instructions: fold your blanket into a small rectangle, cover yourself during the night with aforementioned rectangle. DO NOT unfold, even if you are cold.

3. How to get perfect skin: wear hats, umbrellas, and avoid social interaction.

Instructions: wear wide-brimmed hats and thick gloves whenever you head out.

Bonus: if worn during the summer, this will dramatically decrease the amount of people who attempt to talk to you, allowing the lack of social interaction to cleanse your skin and soul.

4. How to avoid getting scolded for bad grades: lower their expectations.

Instructions: get bad grades in the first place and strike a deal later to at least pass the class (at least a C-).

Bonus: this does not actually work.

5. How to have a good sense of humor: it’s genetic.

Guess whose sense of humor I've inherited.