Life Guarding: The Ugly Truth | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Student Life

Life Guarding: The Ugly Truth

"Excuse me, lifeguard, is this the type of water that can make me drown?"

87
Life Guarding: The Ugly Truth
Hancock College

The sun is shining, the pool is full and the parents have left their children unattended for the rest of the day. I am sitting on my guard stand trying to enjoy the music (that I've never heard before) that is playing over the speakers at the water park. Kids are running, babies are crying, dads are asleep in the pool chairs and I am getting paid. What a wonderful job I have, right? Not really.

The kids don't know how to walk.

The minute that children enter the water park they know no speed other than fast. They must run to every destination. God forbid they get there in two minutes instead of one.

People can't swim, but that is my problem.

Allow me to tell you a story. Little Johnny's mom is laying out in a pool chair getting a tan, but little Johnny can't swim. Little Johnny wants to jump in the deep end, and his mom isn't looking. So what does little Johnny do? He jumps in the deep end of the pool. I blow my whistle, jump in and swim little Johnny to the side of the pool. Little Johnny's mom takes a break from her sunbathing to yell at me, not her kid, for the event that has occurred. This is the rational thinking of water park goers.

Calling a "code brown."

It happens more than you think. A kid is having so much fun swimming that he doesn't want to get out of the pool to walk 500 feet to use the restroom. That's okay, my swimming pool is the perfect substitute for the toilet. Until he realizes that what he has done causes everyone to have to evacuate the pool for thirty minutes while we fish it out with a skimmer, and shock the pool to rid it of his bacteria.

The kids we refer to as "pool rats."

They have been here since the beginning of time. They know every lifeguard's name and every inch of the water park. They know just how to get by with breaking the rules, and just how to annoy a lifeguard to the point of almost walking out. Not to be confused with the regulars, who are typically nice, respectable families with season passes.

Do you want to see my tan lines?

There is absolutely nothing in this world more attractive than my sunglasses tan line across my face, the one piece tan line on my back, or the flip flop tan line on my feet. Yes, my arms and legs are tan. No, my torso is not. In fact, my torso is the color of sheet paper. Shout out to all the lifeguards who are allowed to wear bikinis, you are truly blessed.

I've smelled like chlorine for four years.

No amount of shampoo and conditioner can rid me of my chlorine stench. I am permanently scent-branded by my place of employment. If you are a lifeguard with previously blonde hair who know has green hair, I am truly sorry for your loss.

I am constantly asked questions that can be answered by simply using your brain.

Questions regarding the depth of the water, the location of the bathroom and whether or not you have to know how to swim to be a lifeguard are just a handful of the questions that I get each day. My favorite question of all time still remains: "Excuse me, lifeguard, is this the type of water that can make you drown?'

Life-guarding is a fantastic summer job — don't get me wrong. I am enjoying myself 95 percent of the time, but during the other 5 percent I am considering retiring early.

Disclaimer: I really do love my job.


Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Adulting

18 Things I Want To Do Now That I'm 18

I'm technically an adult, so I'm legally required to live a little, right?

2071
Happy Birthday Cake

For the entirety of my high school career, I was always seen as the goody-two-shoes. I never got in trouble with a teacher, I kept stellar grades, and when I wasn't doing extracurricular activities, I was at home studying. Even when I did go out, it was usually with a bunch of fellow band geeks. The night would end before 11:00 PM and the only controversial activity would be a fight based on who unfairly won a round of Apples-to-Apples when someone else clearly had a better card (I promise I'm not still holding a grudge).

Now that I'm officially an adult, I want to pursue some new things. I want to experience life in a way that I never allowed myself to do prior to entering college. These are the years that I'm supposed to embark on a journey of self-discovery, so what better way to do that than to create a bucket list?

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

10 Life Lessons from Christmas Classics

The holiday classics that shaped my life

1253
10 Life Lessons from Christmas Classics
Flickr

The holiday season is full of stress, debt, and forced conversation. While we rush through the month of December, it's important to take a step back and enjoy the moments before they're gone. Most families love to watch Christmas movies, but these beloved films provide more than entertainment. Here are 10 life lessons that I've learned from the holiday classics we watch every year.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

15 Mind-Bending Riddles

Hopefully they will make you laugh.

200478
 Ilistrated image of the planet and images of questions
StableDiffusion

I've been super busy lately with school work, studying, etc. Besides the fact that I do nothing but AP chemistry and AP economics, I constantly think of stupid questions that are almost impossible to answer. So, maybe you could answer them for me, and if not then we can both wonder what the answers to these 15 questions could be.

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

Most Epic Aurora Borealis Photos: October 2024

As if May wasn't enough, a truly spectacular Northern Lights show lit up the sky on Oct. 10, 2024

21063
stunning aurora borealis display over a forest of trees and lake
StableDiffusion

From sea to shining sea, the United States was uniquely positioned for an incredible Aurora Borealis display on Thursday, Oct. 10, 2024, going into Friday, Oct. 11.

It was the second time this year after an historic geomagnetic storm in May 2024. Those Northern Lights were visible in Europe and North America, just like this latest rendition.

Keep Reading...Show less
 silhouette of a woman on the beach at sunrise
StableDiffusion

Content warning: This article contains descriptions of suicide/suicidal thoughts.

When you are feeling down, please know that there are many reasons to keep living.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments