I wish I could say that as a society we have come far regarding female sexuality. I wish I could say that a woman's orgasm was a priority equal to a man's. I wish I could say that women are no longer shunned from their communities for being sexually liberal. I wish I could.

You'd think after thousands of years of fetishizing female sexuality and female bodies that we might eventually evolve to a point in which female sexuality is seen as important or equal to that of a males but that's none of my business.

No, rather we've come so far that while these things still occur, they aren't talked about. No one likes to talk about not prioritizing the female orgasm. In fact it's still considered a myth by many. No one likes to talk about women being slut shamed until they are no longer welcome in their own communities. No one likes to talk about women being blamed for their own rapes. No, rather, like most things in society we like to pretend we've come a long way and ignore the problems inherent.

Racism is dead.

Sexism is dead.

Homophobia is dead.

Transphobia is... well... no, basically everyone is sure that's still a thing.

Sure, the living dead maybe.

I guess if you don't acknowledge it, it doesn't exist, right? Just walk right past those zombified societal issues and pretend they aren't even there. You know, the same way you handle seeing homeless people.

So I can tell you, as a cam girl, that sexism is alive and well. My orgasm isn't a priority, it's fetishized. It's not about me experiencing pleasure, it's about them making me experience pleasure. Fueling their power complex as they commit to dominating my very sexuality.

In come the neckbeards with their "not all men". That's the funny thing, the men who aren't like this will just read these words in horror, only the men who are like this will become offended, because they take it personally because it applies.

The funny thing is, it's not just about dominating my sexuality. You see, you have to be NEW to get any significant attention. Not just new on the site, you have to act new. Let me tell you what "new" looks like.

Confusion: you're staring at the website, your camera, completely unsure of what you're doing or how to do it.

Discomfort: despite how sexually liberal and sex positive you are, you've never done this before and you're not sure how comfortable you are with it. It's a mix. You're excited about the money, it seems so easy, but you're taken aback by the attention of 60-150 horny men barking orders and seeing you naked. You want to do it, you want to be there, but you're also at least mildly uncomfortable with the whole situation.

Submissiveness: no matter how dominate your personality is IRL, you're new to the game and you don't want to mess up on your first day, so you tend to go along with whatever they say. Even if you're uncomfortable. Some take pitty on you and explain the ropes, putting themselves in the position of being your savior, only to later recommend that you let them moderate your room for you. Taking it up as a full time job so they have direct access to you, so you need them. Others will take advantage and make requests without tipping, and you'll do it because you're new.

Most of the people who spend money on these websites are constantly in the new model rooms. Most, but not all. Some of them enjoy ritualistically visiting the top model's rooms, in an effort to garner at least some attention from someone seen as desirable.

What does this mean? Those who are constantly looking at the new models want them to want to be there, but only sort of. They want them to be uncomfortable. They want to be the savior or take advantage of the scared little bunny rabbit who has no idea that they are prey.

Those who are constantly looking at the top models want them to notice them. They want to be seen and wanted by someone who is nearly unanimously deemed to be one of the most desirable.

It's never about the women, though. It's about what the women can do for the men. What the men can make the women do. To dominate by circumstance, with money, or be dominated themselves.

Now, don't get me wrong. I have met a lot of great men while working as a cam girl. They exist. This isn't about them, and they know this isn't about them. They are not offended, because they know this to be the case. They know this to be the environment we work in. They know that it is generally assumed that a model who isn't incredibly popular, and isn't relatively new, is assumed to be using the website to fund a drug addiction. This is how the new model trolls and the big model trolls rationalize their preference so they needn't psychoanalyze themselves and be honest about what they're really doing, because no one wants to believe that they are consuming another person, using another person, unless of course they fetishize that sort of thing. They participate in the problem, telling themselves denial is a river, and perpetuating the problem inherent in all of society.

That a woman's value is also her sin, her sexuality is a commodity, and a sickness.

That she is desirable, but also disgusting.

This has become incredibly obvious over my time spent working as a cam girl.

Now I'm not saying I wont gladly take your money and play the newb.

I am saying that I see through you.

We all see through you.