Throughout life most people go through various seasons, I.e. seasons of wealth, seasons of joy, and seasons of loss. Remembering that whatever season you are in at this moment is just temporary is key to being content regardless of the circumstances. If you are a rare and lucky individual who has never experienced loss, sadness or the depression that follows, this article is for you too. The human struggle is real, and having the tools to help a friend or loved one through a season of loss will enrich you as a person.
From my personal experience, focusing on the fact that the circumstances that define our current season is just a temporary one is difficult, but here are 5 tips to help in maintaining contentment during your season of loss or sadness.
1. Focus your attention outward away from self
When a season of sadness comes to attempt to turn your focus upon others, volunteer at a shelter and feed those in need. Buy the person's meal behind you in line at a drive-thru. Turning your focus outward will kill your pity party and besides doing stuff for other people just feels good!
2. Take a shower and get dressed.
Over the span of a few years, I personally lost six people. Six people I was very close to, including my dad, father-in-Law, grandmother and husband. There were many days just getting out of bed was a success. But, I learned that if I made myself get up, shower and get dressed to the shoes, facing the day and living was becoming manageable.
Did this routine take away the pain? No, but it helped to clear my head and make me feel a little normal. Like I felt before the loss. It allowed me to accept my new normal. Acceptance and embracing the new normal is challenging— do any action that will help with this part. Trust me on this one.
3. Do not turn your back on God.
Even on those days when it seemed like God had abandoned me, He hadn't. He was right there carrying me through the seasons that caused me pain. Keeping my focus on Christ and trusting that He has had me was and still is a comfort. So when you feel like He's not there, remember He promised to never leave you or forsake you. Pray, remind Him of that promise and hold on, He's got you.
Another thing, praising Him through the loss will bring you closer to Him and allow for a quicker recovery. “Is there a balm in Gilead?" Jeremiah 8:22. Although an Old Testament reference to an actual plant, it also speaks to a spiritual healing that is found in Christ. It's there, you just have to ask.
4. Allow yourself to feel the feelings.
The act of weeping/crying was given to us by our Creator as a release. Let me tell you, In those seasons of loss when you cry and cry and cry, it is painful. Have you ever cried so much that you experience physical pain? I have. It’s the worst. BUT it’s necessary. You have to allow yourself to feel. It’s easier to shove it down and “keep a stiff upper lip,” but that’s not healthy. Ignore the judgments of people who don’t know your story and allow yourself to grieve, feel the feelings and cry the tears. It’s a temporary pain, but flushed out the sadness and opens up space for new beginnings and new things.
5. Remember - it's just temporary, so clean up and move forward.
After any storm, even in a season of loss, there’s going to be clean up that needs to be done. Storms/seasons are just temporary. They leave their marks and may scar but eventually it will pass. So after you’ve quashed the pity party, allowed yourself to feel the feelings, you’ve showered and gotten dressed, you’ve prayed and clung to the Savior, clean up, evaluate the changes, begin to move forward and rebuild yourself. You’re worth it.
As a survivor of loss and trauma, I can write about the above with first-hand knowledge and tell you, dear reader, that the above steps are crucial, but do them in your own time. Everyone deals with their own season of loss at a different pace.
My intention is to help the hurting so that you know you aren't alone. Reach out for help. And for those who aren't in a season of loss and you see someone in the midst of one, be patient and quietly be there for them as they pass through that part of their journey. You never know the impact you'll make.
