Something I've always found funny as an LGBT+ person is the trope of the "token gay person" in media. For those unfamiliar, in TV shows, books, or movies that have representation, there's a group of heterosexual, cisgender friends and within them, there is one (1) homosexual or one (1) trans person. And honestly, I find this laughable. As an LGBT+ person, I can tell you that we rarely travel alone. Personally, my friend group in college does not contain a single heterosexual, heteroromantic, cisgendered person. The group consists of a bisexual woman, a pansexual woman, a pansexual trans man, and a trans man who doesn't label his sexual orientation. Then there's me, an asexual, panromantic woman. Like finds like. LGBT+ finds LGBT+.
And really? I wouldn't have it any other way.
When I got to college, I was still mostly in the closet. I could count the number of people I'd come out to on my fingers. Most people considered me allosexual at least, and the vast majority of my graduating class and even some of my friends thought I was heterosexual. I definitely wasn't the token gay person, there were a couple of non-cis or non-straight people in my friend groups, but they were either closeted or shy about their identities. I grew up in a conservative city in Idaho; I can't blame them. But when I moved to Missoula, I found not only LGBT+ people, but LGBT+ people who were brave enough to be openly LGBT+. My female friends talked about girls they liked without furtive glances or fear. My trans friends gave me a name to use for them and I used it, and that was that.
For once in my life, I didn't have to be shy about being LGBT+.
When I talked about the girl across my hall who had the kindest smile and who was so caring to me when I came out as asexual to my floor, who I had a little bit of a crush on, their reaction was gentle teasing instead of shock that it was a girl I liked. When they mentioned sex drive and I couldn't relate because I was ace, they didn't think I was broken or discount my experiences. They accepted it, moved on.
And most importantly, they loved me for it, not in spite of it.
One friend told me I was a badass bitch and that I'd find someone who loved me for me, and that even if I didn't find romantic love that she'd be there for me. Another sat there and listened to me talk about being ace, made ace jokes with me and talked about how I belonged. Yet another friend sent me an ace pride pin in the mail because he wanted me to feel accepted and loved in a community that often didn't give me those things. And my longest-standing friend in college has sent me ace positivity posts, listened to me talk about all the difficulties being ace brings, and reminded me that I'm valid through even my darkest times.
And most importantly, they've shown me through their experiences and their confidence, that I'm not alone, that I have a place in the LGBT+ community.
These wonderful people have helped me grow into a confident human who knows just who she is and who is growing to speak out about it. They've helped me be a person who will use my voice for good. They've helped me recognize my privileges and use them to help those who don't have them, and they've helped me be better rounded. Overall, these people have made me amazing. I'm a better person now than I could ever have been without them. And I love them for that growth that they've cultivated in me.
LGBT+ friend groups are a gift for LGBT+ people, and their love and support can't be emphasized enough. So to my LGBT+ friend group, thank you for all you've done. I love all of you to bits, and I hope that I've given you even a tiny microcosm of the same support that you've given me.
