Never again,

never again will I let you or someone else bury me as far as you did. I look back and I feel bad for the 13 year old girl I was when we met. She was alone in the world, she felt like an outcast and had little friends. Then she met this boy with blue eyes. She fell hard for him.

Over the years we had a lot of ups and downs, now that I’m older….I see that we had more downs then ups. I was too naïve to take into consideration that what we had was toxic. I thought it was normal the way we “loved” each other. It definitely wasn’t. It took me 14 years, one marriage and two kids to understand this.

You played me like a broken record. You hurt me. Then promised you would change….and for a little bit you do or you did. But the endless cycle keeps going and I am ready to jump off. You proved to me you will never change, even after I gave you endless chances, I showed you grace because I knew your story. I know what happened to you and I felt sorry for you, because I loved you.

The time had finally come when I no longer let you hold your past on me. If you wanted to change you would. If you loved me you wouldn’t hurt me. It’s a hard truth I fought myself on for years. It took me YEARS to come to terms with this hard truth. I wanted you so bad, I wanted our family to work so bad I let you bury me so deep I forgot what true happiness feels like. I forgot what it feels like to be alive. I was so focused on you for years I lost myself.

But this past year I started to find myself. I stopped feeling sorry for you. I shut my heart off to you. And now I’m letting you go. After 14 long years….I’m finally letting you go. I hope one day we can be friends. I hope one day we can get along for the sake of our kids, because that’s what they deserve. I hope one day you find your happiness and so do I. And I hope you remember I will always love you.

Goodbye.