America was founded on the idea of independence — in fact, we have a whole day devoted to it. We have songs and movies all about the importance of being independent in some way, shape, or form (looking at you Ne-yo). After college, one of the main things we seek is independence from our parents so that we can finally stand on our own two feet. But sometimes seeking too much independence can be dangerous — especially in our prayer lives. We are constantly bombarded with encouragements to be more independent, to do even more on our own, which can translate to our relationship with God. We’re so used to saying “I can do it on my own” that we don’t know when or how to ask for help, especially when we need it most.

Imagine you’re going through life walking down a road. There are branches and rocks in your way, most of which you’re able to avoid with ease. But then, out of nowhere, you fall to the ground. You repeatedly try to pull yourself up but to no avail. We’re oftentimes are so focused on picking ourselves up by our own bootstraps, we don’t see that God’s hand is perpetually outstretched, just waiting to help us when we fall.

At least in my mind, the word “depend” has always had negative connotations. I take offense when people tell me I still depend on my parents, or am unable to do something on my own. In the back of my mind, I have the idea that I should be capable of doing everything by myself and resent it when people offer to help. Even when I truly do need help, I have trouble admitting it to myself and others; the same is true with my relationship with God. When I’m in over my head, I try to fix everything myself before I bring it to God. Then when I do “ask” God for help, I continue to do what I want instead of waiting for Him to take control. As I get older, I have a harder time letting God take control. The people I most need to learn from are children.

Children sometimes get a bad rap for seeming like they just need to figure out what’s going on and grow up. But in our prayer lives especially, we have a lot to learn from children. When children are hurt, they run to their mother, which is what we need to do in our prayer. As Louis de Montfort said, “[Mary] loves them tenderly and more tenderly than all the mothers put together.” Who better to comfort us, than the same woman who comforted Jesus? Mary is the one who picks us up and leads us to Jesus when we’re too weak, or too afraid to do it ourselves. Jesus is the best example of allowing ourselves to be dependent, especially on his Beloved Mother.

Jesus, the beginning and the end, the alpha and the omega, started off just like us — as a baby. The Creator of the universe, in all of his glory, allowed himself to born into this world as a helpless infant completely dependent on Mary. Jesus clung to his mother both in times of joy and hardship, letting her lead him in all things. When Jesus fell, Mary picked up him up in her loving hands and held him close to her heart — just as she does with us when we fall. “[Mary] steadies them when they are about to fall; she lifts them when they have fallen” (True Devotion to Mary).

In our prayer lives, we need to learn how to be dependent on Mary and allow her to lead us through life. Even if we don’t want to admit it, often times we act like unruly children that don’t want to go to bed. We squirm in our mother’s arms and put all our weight towards our feet so we are nearly impossible to hold — but we can never wiggle out of our Mother’s firm grip. No matter how much we protest, Mary’s arms act as a secure refuge from whatever storm we are facing. She patiently waits for us to grow tired of fighting and slowly rest our heads against her chest — comforted by the steady beat of our heart. Then, without fail, she will lead us to the Father, as she holds nothing for her own, even her sweet children. Let us refuse to hold on to our burdens that weigh us down so heavily. Cast all of your cares on Mary, the Star of the Sea, who will guide you safely into the Father’s harbor.