In some way or another, we have all experienced disappointment. It could have been for a variety of reasons: a relationship didn’t work out the way you wanted it to, you didn’t land that cool job you were sure you had, or you got a bad grade on an exam. Whatever the case, once the “You’re a failure and good at absolutely nothing!” mindset has set in, it’s like a rain cloud that follows you wherever you go.

Maybe you don’t get quite that down on yourself. Some people deal with disappointment well! Others might be a little harder on themselves. What’s important to remember about disappointment is that you can always take something out of it and focus on how far you’ve come.

This might sound annoyingly optimistic if your disappointment is a fresh wound, but be sure to take these words to heart, because you'll need them later.

FOCUS LESS ON PERFECTIONISM

I’ll be the first to admit I’m a perfectionist. I’m a people-pleaser and I strive to do everything right, above and beyond, every single time. It’s a good mindset to have (sometimes) because I feel like I am overall more productive because of it, but it’s also a constant struggle because it’s not within my ability to be perfect at everything.

One time in fourth grade, I forgot my homework. One time. But this was a big deal, because we had a board that had every kid’s name on it, and if you never once forgot your homework, you were at the top. If you forgot it less than five times, you were in another tier and so on.

My teacher had a “no excuses” policy, and if you didn’t have it, your name lowered. There were no real consequences other than a piece of paper with your name on it lowering a few inches, but to me, that was the end of the world. I wasn’t perfect anymore. I remember getting in the car after school that day and crying about it the whole way home.

LEARNING FROM DISAPPOINTMENT

Obviously, this sounds a little dramatic for a fourth grader (it is), but the concept applies to everyone. The harsh reality of life is that we will never stop being disappointed about something. Once you can accept that you will be disappointed at times, it’s so much easier to be happy with yourself and how far you have come, regardless of that disappointment.

What I saw when I got older, that I couldn’t see at the time, was that I was not a horrible student just because I forgot my homework once. Forgetting my homework once didn’t mean that my teacher didn’t like me. It didn’t mean I was stupid. My disappointment in myself took over so much of my consciousness that it was impossible for me to think of all the other times I remembered my homework, and all of the other times that I was a good student. I was so devastated by that one instance of imperfection that I was blind to all the good things I had done in the past.

LOOKING TO THE FUTURE

By now, there have probably been a lot of disappointments you’ve looked back and reflected on. Maybe you’ve even figured out what you’ve learned from them. As important as it is to reflect, it’s also important to look to the future and to be aware of what lies ahead. I’ve learned that it’s beneficial to accept disappointment in your future. This sounds super negative, but it’s quite the opposite.

If you go into anything–a project, for example–totally expecting things to work out, you’re going to be majorly disappointed if someone shuts the idea down. Of course, it’s necessary to have a positive outlook (more on that another day!), but it’s also necessary to be realistic. That way, you can continue chugging out awesome ideas like the genius you are, and that burden of disappointment isn’t as heavy on your shoulders.

You can be your own worst critic, but you can also be your most encouraging cheerleader. You won’t be able to control what makes you disappointed, but what you learn from it and how you deal with it is within your control. Don’t ever forget: you are strong and you are capable!

Author's note: My article is also featured on a separate personal blog called More Than. With the new school semester getting more intensive each week, I thought it was important to reiterate some points for students and people alike to keep in mind!