Ever since I can remember, I’ve always struggled with self-image issues. I was teased about my skin color, my hair, my clothes, and even my faith. Fast forward to now, all those derogatory statements I was exposed to, I have let myself believe them.
Since middle school, I was the girl whose best friend was the prettiest one in the whole school. Everyone had a crush on my friends, and going into high school they all had boyfriends and were dating cute guys. I spent days pondering on why I couldn’t be like them. I criticized myself for not being pretty or not having a better personality. As much as I tried to fill this void with happiness and Scripture, the devil still lingered around me.
High school was worse. I look back now and I see how mentally damaging I was towards myself. My self-worth came near to becoming existent as I constantly worried about how this outfit made me look, the frizziness in my hair, how my face was filled with imperfections, and the list goes on and on.
I’m in college now, close to graduating, and at 20 years old these thoughts have still not disappeared. Instead they have morphed, adapting to my new surroundings and identity. Some days are worse than others as my inner thoughts conflict with my day-to-day life. I can be having a conversation with someone but worrying whether or not they are looking at the imperfections I see in the mirror. I cringe at the thought someone would be interested in me and how I would be able to sustain a relationship because of these self-image issues.
Recently, God has shown me through different people in my life how this way of thinking towards myself is a lie. These thoughts are not from God but from the devil who will not win this battle. Being vulnerable with God and bringing this towards him, resulted in words of wisdom I needed to hear the most.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
These words from Jesus showed me how my weakness should not overpower, but instead looked at as an opportunity to overcome it and become strong.
This passage also gave me motivation to be transparent with these struggles I have faced for a long time. I know I am not the only one in this world who faces this problem. Regardless of gender, age, and timing, worrying about our self-image is a problem the majority faces. I would like to remind those who are going through this alongside me, they are not alone. This is a journey brought upon us in order for God to use us and clear the opaque filter from our eyes, to let us view ourselves in a new light. “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do,” reads Ephesians 2:10.
These struggles don’t disappear overnight. I understand it may be awhile for me to overcome this pain, but one thing is certain, I’m holding God’s hand as I walk through and I know He is waiting to hold yours too.
