One of the hardest things to do is letting go of something your whole life has revolved around for almost a year. However, one of the hardest things to experience is watching this thing that has made you the happiest start to turn negative. Fear of letting go can’t consume you. Although fear of the unknown and fear of making fatal mistakes can easily rule your life, you can’t give it that power.

You have to look out for yourself sometimes, even if that means that others may get hurt as a result. You, obviously, don’t want to purposefully hurt others, especially those you love the most. However, sometimes putting yourself first for once isn’t the ideal situation for others. They want to see you happy but, sometimes, what makes you happy isn’t always what they want.

The crazy thing is sometimes your head and heart go so bad and forth that you don’t know what it is that you want or what will make you happy. Your terrified of outside influences or distractions telling you what will make you happy and you want it all to stop so you can listen to just your heart. Sometimes though, your head and heart don’t know any more to help. You don’t want to act on impulse so you try to think through everything but those thoughts consume you every single day and make you even more unhappy.

So what do you do? Do you sit back and push through the unhappy because you're too scared to deal with the situation or do you make a bold move to restore your happiness with the chance that you are making a huge mistake that could change the course of the rest of your life and hurt the person you love the most.

Well, I decided that I loved me the most. A choice I never made up until this point. However, I felt guilty for this choice because why should my happiness be weighed more than another’s? I guess I came to the conclusion that my happiness isn’t superior to others but equal, therefore, I owe it to myself to allow myself to be happy. I really don’t know if I made to right choice. My heart tells me that I did, at least what is best for me right now. I can’t tell for sure if down the road I will regret this choice, but living in constant fear of the future is no way to live.

I want to live in the now. I am in college and I want to enjoy. I am at a place I love, doing what I love, and I don’t want to let it all pass me by and have regrets later on. Obviously, I feel and will feel for a while that a piece of me is missing. I let go a half of me and so I’m feeling the emptiness from that for sure. However, I can’t let that consume me and I can work on building that half again on my own.

Although this was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, I do feel proud of myself for putting myself first. I have never done this before and it feels relieving to know that putting myself first sometimes won’t make the whole world end. If you are ever afraid of letting go, if it’s what’s best for you, then there is no need to be afraid. I understand the fear because it has consumed me for awhile now, but I don’t think you should ever have to be afraid of making yourself happy because at the end of the day anyone in the world can choose to leave but you always got yourself. It’s okay to let go. You deserve to be happy.