Dear God,
God why is life like this? It can be so hard sometimes. So hard to smile when you know this thing is supposed to make you happy, but it doesn’t. So hard to move on when my heart is shattered and I am missing some pieces that I need to glue back together. So hard to get out of bed and start a day when I know all that it will be filled with is hurt and sorrow.
I hear about it on the news, or maybe my friends hear about it. Either way, I am sure it has happened. Someone is always dead, their family is grieving. The person will be missed. If they are lucky a family member will say something nice about them on the television. And we will all watch it and say something simple like, “How sad. The poor family. I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose someone so close.” And everyone will nod their heads, and three minutes later no one will remember that person or their family who lost their loved one in a car crash. He was supposedly drunk anyways so I guess it’s his fault. Besides there is someone else on the television telling us about a terrorist attack that happened half-way around the globe and that is more important. It causes harsher remarks. “How awful. All of those terrorists should die. Why don’t we do something about this?”
And yet one way or the other we will all die anyways so why does it matter if it is a terrorist or swerving into oncoming traffic? I just don’t understand it all, God. I don’t understand the pain, the heartache, the dull throb, the sharp intake of breath when the thing you treasured most on Earth is taken from you. I don’t understand it. And the more I ponder it the harder my heart becomes. It scares me sometimes. How desensitized we are to other people’s pain until it is we who experience it. Then it is a big deal. Then we have a hard time swallowing the truth. Life is pain.
But then something happens. Something small. A sunset painted in red and orange or maybe a child chasing bubbles that are just out of reach. Something, always something. It makes us cling to life. It makes us remember, and we smile. We smile because life isn’t all pain. It isn’t all sorrow. And as much as my petty heart would like me to believe the lie that there is only bad in this world, it just isn’t so. Explain to me how there could only be bad in this world when there is love. God, you love us so much. I wish my eyes could see the splendor of it all, then maybe I could better love my neighbor instead of occasionally waving at them as I pull out or into my driveway.
I will never understand why You love us so much. When we hurt each other, stabbing one another in the back, intentionally breaking each other’s hearts and for what? Personal gain? We are so selfish and yet You chose to love us. God, You sent Your only Son into a world that You knew would hate Him. To a people that would betray Him. All in the name of Love. God, You are love. Help me to understand the damages that sin has caused. Help me to look beyond myself and possibly prick the hearts of those around me. Help me to be the light in this dark, dark world. And help me to only seek You when there are so many rabbit holes that I could get caught in.
Sincerely,
A heart slowly being mended.
