I wrote a letter to someone who was my best friend. I wrote the letter, thinking if I told him how much I missed our friendship he would miss it too. I thought it would be this big part of our story where I write it, he apologizes, and we meet for food. Instead I got phone call at 1 am from him, a number I didn't know. He asked who I was and why I was writing to him. I didn't leave my name on the letter, but I wrote about all these things we did as kids and it was obvious it was me. I told him my name and he said he knew a summer, but don't write him again. Then to my ultimate surprise his wife took the phone. I reassured her I wasn't in love with her husband, I just wanted my best friend. She seemed kind and understanding, while he seemed cold and hateful. I couldn't understand where that came from, because the last time we really talked it was good and calm.

I have been grieving a lost friendship for almost a year, when that other person didn't care I was gone. I am trying to explain how horrible I feel, and I can't because how do you move on from that? Move on from a friendship built up since first grade. Where we went to dances together, tried date, helped each other with dating. We went to the same college, stayed overnight at the orientation and facetimed while he was overseas. I am trying to understand how to grieve a friendship lost, when the other person doesn't care it's lost. I'm writing this the day it happened and being open at how horrible I feel. I texted his wife, told her not to worry. That I just missed him and I'm happy he found someone he loved.

When we were young, we used to say how excited we would be to see each other married, but today I met my old best friend's wife for the first time. She was kind, understood how I felt and said have a happy Christmas. So, how do you grieve someone who doesn't care that you're gone? I know writing this it sounds silly. In fact, it feels ridiculous. I had such high hopes he would be back, that this wasn't the end of our story. Now I'm realizing it is the end, the book is closing.

I wrote this all-in hope that someone who feels the way I did, knows it's okay to miss someone who doesn't miss you. It's okay to feel like you deserved a better answer of why, and it's okay not to get it. It will be okay, even though it doesn't feel like it. Friendships come and go, but they're real and how they change you is real.