These are not thank you letters. These are letters of my thoughts and things I feel the need to say.
My Mom,
I love you. You've always been my ride or die. We've been together since day one, and I guess 8 months before that too. You've loved me despite my cone head at birth, my horrible attitude, and my insistent annoyingness. Through all of the "no's" and the "I told you so's" and the hard-headedness, coming from both sides let me add, I've loved you and deep down know that you're always right.
My Step-Father,
Well Anthony, it seems marrying my mom was a double edged sword. You got her but then you ended up with me as well. It all ended up okay right? At least I think it has. You forced me to grow some thicker skin because you make fun of me more than anyone else. So I guess I have you to thank for me not being hurt all the time. Also, for the lessons in Adulting 101. Ya, I love you too.
My "Father",
The only way you can ever be considered my father is biologically. I'm happy you finally figured out to be a father, I just wish you would've figured it out before you hurt so many people. There is not one ounce of love in my heart for you, nor is there an ounce of hate. You are nothing to me except the provider of 23 chromosomes. There is a lie in this letter. I said I had no hate for you but that's not true. You are the only person I've ever managed to hate.
My Siblings,
I'm not going to lie I like some of you more than others. I love all of you equally but I do still hate you all. Ali and Aj, If I can manage to be serious for one second. I love you two and by some twist of fate, not a cruel one just a twist, we were all brought together as a family. A highly dysfunctional one but nonetheless a family. Twins, Y'all annoy the heck outta me but I love you both to death. Brooklyn, don't tell anyone else but most of the time you're my favorite. One day we will all be fighting on who will take care of the parents when their old and senile but right now we can all continue to love/hate each other.
My Dog,
Don't tell mom but you're my real ride or die.
My Ex,
This one is a thank you letter. This is me expressing my thanks to you for teaching me one of the most valuable lessons I've ever learned. Don't make promises you can't keep. That destroys people. Thank you for teaching me what love does not feel like. For showing me the things I need to better about myself before I can be romantically involved with anyone else. Thank you for showing me what its like to settle. Thank you for tearing me down so I would have to build myself back up. I did and I came out more confident and better than I've ever been.
My Best Friend,
Hey loser, you're pretty cool I guess. In all seriousness I do love you. I don't know where I'd be without you. I don't know where my makeup game would be without you either. Probably back at blocky eyeliner, unblended eye shadow, and botched eyeliner. I wrote this letter to you while we were at your house, you were napping. If that doesn't describe our relationship I don't know what does. Here's to room 924, 2 AM Taco Bell, an size 6X hoodies.
My Coaches and Teachers,
I can never express how much you have all meant to me. I could write a whole other article of just thank you notes to all of you. Y'all are what pushed me through school when all I wanted to do was drop out. Y'all believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. Y'all are what really made me value hard work and dedication. (You too mom but you're my mom so the lessons only stick after someone else has told me too) You have all taught me lessons and useless facts that I will take with me wherever I go. Maybe I'll even pass the knowledge along.
14 Year Old Me,
Put down the razor blade. Put down the pen. Don't write that note. Don't give up. You don't believe the people who say "It gets better" and maybe I'm a hypocrite because I don't believe them either. It hasn't gotten much better yet but it has a little and that little is all you have to hang on to. You will make friends who love you. You'll figure out that thing that you were stressing about. No, the anxiety and the suicidal thoughts will not make it any easier but you'll come out stronger. Speaking of coming out. Yes, you're a homosexual and yes that's normal. Yes, you're also into the opposite sex. Guess what that's normal too. You also like everyone in between and that's completely normal as well. You're pansexual you couldn't care less what someone's sex or gender is. Another thing you should know is that you fall into that in between category. I still don't know exactly how, so I can't help you there but one day we'll figure it out.
