It actually sickens me that rape can be considered a culture, and that it is still something prevalent around the world. But, what makes it worse is that there are still a number of jokes that go around involving rape and that there are still people who will blame the victim. As gross as it may be, rape is an epidemic that does get a lot of light but, isn't getting any better. These letters are to those who don't take rape seriously, and those who have been victims.
To those who don't take it seriously:
As big as rape is, I still hear jokes surrounding this culture. People say these jokes without a clue of who is around and if it will have an affect on them. Victims of rape have suffered from depression, anxiety, PTSD and other variations of mental disorders after the incident. These jokes such as "no means yes and yes means anal" or "wanna know the difference between rape and conversation? Come upstairs to the bedroom with me and I'll show you" can elicit more emotions from someone who overhears it than you think.
I know a number of people who have been victims of rape. I have actually been in a room with these people as they heard a rape joke and saw their face cringe. Even worse, I've seen them become distant and suddenly were lost in a memory that they don't want to remember.
I know rape jokes don't automatically make you a rapist and don't change your mind in your views of rape. But, the more we accept rape jokes the more our future generations will be accustomed to it and feel as though these jokes are okay.
We will begin to lose sight of how horrific this topic truly is because it has been cushioned by people who don't believe in its true tragedy.
I don't want to tell everyone what to do but, I want to let you know that there is caution to be had when saying these kinds of jokes and we should pay attention to them. Furthermore, we should start making a difference and changing the views of rape to always have a negative connotation.
To those who have been victims:
There is much to say to someone who has been victims of rape. Whether you are a male or a female, the idea of the action will always bring up a sore point in your life. Trust me, I know.
I'm not going to fill this letter with clichés such as "it gets better" because I know you know that you will survive and that this will always be something apart from you. But you will be able to move past this experience and put it in a part of your mind you rarely turn to.
I will say that if you haven't done so already, you can open up to someone. There will always be a close friend that you can turn to in times of need. You need that one person. I know many people want to act like it never happened and will constantly tell themselves that maybe it wasn't rape. Once you open up to someone and allow yourself to accept that this happened to you, you will be one step closer to not allowing the incident to get to you.
Keeping the event to yourself will only protect your abuser, not you. Keeping it a secret may result in internal suffering.
For many it will take a long time to finally open up. That's fine, too. Some handle it differently. There will be times that the incident is all you think about. Sometimes recounting the event to yourself will make you see signs that you didn't before. But, don't ever feel as though you are to blame.
It is not your fault that you were taking advantage of. Unfortunately, a good number of rapes occur by someone the victim was friends with. In these cases, you thought it was just a friend talking to another friend. Never tell yourself that you could have avoided it because that will just leave you in questioning the "what ifs" and this in turn will affect you more than you think.
If you ever feel as though you can't be loved because someone you may have or may not have trusted only saw you as an object to abuse, know that you are capable of love. There is someone out there who loves you for you. Trust may be something you find difficult to come across, but you will soon start trusting again. You may even find that one person that you can love and you will be able to share this tragic story to and they will be the one to help make you finally move on from it.
There is so much more that I can say, but unfortunately I don't know how to say it because not every rape story is the same. Not everyone knows the abuser. Not everyone accepts it quickly. Not everyone develops depression from it.
But, I can leave with saying this.
It's a long journey after this incident occurs. It isn't going to be easy. But, try your hardest to not allow yourself to become isolated from the world. Find at least one person you can talk to. Someone that when the anniversary of the event, or just the incident comes back into your mind, you can talk to and they can help ease the pain and not make you feel alone. You are capable of love and trust. This struggle is not your forever.