Days 1-13: I didn’t write. I couldn’t. I was hurting too much.
Day 14: This is my first time writing to you. I just gotten back from my first therapy session.
“I’ve been putting our situation to the back of my mind and distracting myself, which is good in a way because I’m not hurting most of the day now, but it means if I continue to do it, it will all hit me at once.
“I realized I’m really angry at myself because I was a problem in our relationship. We had something amazing, but I messed it up overtime. If I were you, I’d fall out of love with me too”
Day 15: I’m back in the city for the first time since the day you left me.
“I’ll be honest, I was terrified to come back into town because I’m so close to you, yet I can’t do anything about it. I’m so lost right now, life just isn’t the same without you around.”
“I can’t help but feel like I don’t deserve the shit you’ve been putting me through, but in all reality, I do.”
“It sucks that you aren’t here to celebrate with me, it sucks that we barely talk, but I’ve accepted I can’t do anything about it anymore. I just hope you really are happy”
Day 16: We talked on the phone last night and you got mad.
“I don’t mean to start or be a problem. All I want is for you to drop your act. Lower the guard.”
“We agreed last night that we would meet up and talk today and then I’d let you cut contact with me. I decided to not follow through with it…I’m not ready”
“I still need to come to terms with myself and being without you, but also I still believe we can be friends”
Day 17: I couldn’t get the song I wrote about you off my mind. It’s the most important song I’ve ever written and my favorite song I’ve ever written.
“The future of us means just a friendship right now. Maybe more than that one day but I don’t believe in that much anymore”
“I still miss you and wish you’d just be you again. I miss the real you”
Day 18: I went out to a party last night and met a new guy, but I’m hesitant it’ll be anything.
“I went out last night. I wish I could drink but I can’t and just don’t want to.”
“I met a guy there last night, oh man I wish you were being nice to me because I wanna tell you about him on the phone, but I guess this’ll have to do”
“Today wasn’t horrible at all. I still miss you, but my mind is distracted now. I feel like once I find someone who will like me for me and will care about me, it’ll be easier not to think of you as often”
Day 19: I am super tired because I had to take care of a friend last night.
“I miss you, Vindy”
Day 20: I woke up really sad and depressed. It hit me this morning how much I need you in my life.
“I woke up and realized I really need/want you in my life”
“I actually feel pretty content and happy with my progress in life, and losing you will only tear me back down”
“Please don’t ever leave me. I hope you’re not reading this because you cut contact with me. if you are, I’m falling apart.
“I miss and love you…I really f*cking do”
All signed...
yours truly forever,
Abbey
