The other day I was browsing through YouTube and came across a video that was beautifully done by Alexa Losey. This video is called A Letter To All The Boys I've Loved and when I watched it I thought it was amazing and it inspired me.

Like Alexa, I also write letters to people but never send them, especially to guys after a breakup. I think it is very therapeutic to write to someone; it makes you feel like you are talking to them when you can't speak to them or you are scared to say certain things. So after watching this video, I wanted to do my own rendition and write letters to the boys I have loved in my life. So without further ado here are some letters to all the boys I've loved...

Dear, The First...

I grew up wanting to be like you, so strong and hardworking. You worked every day, even when you didn't want to, for my mom, me and my sister. You taught me what to look for in a guy and you helped me set my standards. I remember when I was young, and me and my sister would play MASH; I would have to choose a boy to marry and I would choose you.

Even though other guys have let me down I still have that hope of finding someone because you exist. I always wanted to make you proud; you never had a son but I wanted to fill that place. Some of my fondest memories are when we would play basketball together. I feel so lucky to have such a strong male presence in my life because I know there are girls who don't get to have that. I just want to write this to you to say thank you for being so incredible and taking care of me through the good and the bad. All other guys pale in comparison to you. I love you.

Dear, The Second...

I remember when we first broke up and got back together you said "don't ever do something like that to me again" and my heart was all warm because I thought "wow he really likes me." Then two weeks later you broke up with me...

Before, I would break up with guys when they said they loved me because it freaked me out, but when you told me I said it back. We constantly fought and constantly got back together and I would think "this is what real love is," but it wasn't and I can see that now. It has been almost 6 years since the last time we spoke. You taught me about heartbreak and that even thought someone says they love you it doesn't mean they can't hurt you. We were so young but at the time I thought I would be with you forever.

I remember the last time we spoke I was freaking out because you had just told me you had been cheating on me. I remember my heart sinking and the pain in my chest. Before that when we would break up the usual routine would be "we are still going to be best friends and talk all the time," but this time I deleted your number. Don't get me wrong, I had your number memorized, but I forced myself to forget it.

I loved you and I didn't even know who I was. I became the person I thought you wanted, wearing the brands you liked and listening to the music you like and watching movies that you liked. I didn't even know that that was an unhealthy thing to do, but now I do. So thank you for teaching me what an unhealthy relationship looks like and that I love you doesn't necessarily mean I won't hurt you. Because of you, I found out who I was and what I liked and what type of guys I liked.

Dear, The Third and Fourth...

You guys changed my life in ways you will probably never even realize. In a time when I had no one to rely on and confide in, you two became my best friends. I had always wanted one of those friendships where you just text each other to hang out in like five minutes and you can just go over to their house because you know their parents. I remember one night you guys called and said you were driving to my house. I said no but you still came and I felt so happy that I had people in my life who could drag me out of the house and want to hang out with me.

You guys saved my life in many ways, at the time we became close I was dealing with a lot of anxiety and depression. If it wasn't for those 3 am hangouts and walks around the mall I don't know what I would have done. I know we have grown apart in the last few years but I still feel like I can reach out to you guys and talk to you. When we hung out recently it felt like no time had passed; like we just picked up where we left off.

I wanted to thank you guys because you taught me so much about friendship and always made me laugh. You two filled my heart with so much joy and also helped me discover what kind of guys I want in my life. I love you guys!

Dear, The Fifth...

I thought I would marry you. I remember when you told me you loved me, which was only about a month after we started dating, and I didn't say it back. I remember thinking about breaking up with you; I even had it planned out because I was scared to get hurt and I wasn't sure if you would stick around.

You were unlike any guy I had ever met and you just felt so inevitable, like I was meant to meet you and fall in love with you. One night you called and we talked for a couple hours about everything. We ended up telling each other songs that made us think of one another and when I heard yours I knew it was too late. I knew I wouldn't be able to break up with you now because I could feel it in my heart that something amazing was going to happen and if I left I would regret it for the rest of my life.

This was unlike any relationship I had ever had, we talked about things we loved and shared them with each other. I never felt like I had to become someone else--I could be myself and you would still love me. So I let go of the fears, fell for you so hard and loved you so hard and so unconditionally.

I remember when I would have anxiety attacks you would hold me and calm me down, telling me "everything was going to be okay." And when I would tell you "you're gonna leave me, I am a mess and you are going to realize it," you would say "I'm never going to leave you." You would get so mad that I would ever think that you would leave.

I remember our last few days together. We had an argument--I looked at you and in my head I felt like it was over and we would never see each other again. But we made up and everything was fine. Little did I know that a few weeks later you would break my heart. I never ever thought you would leave which is why it was such a shock to me. I gave everything I could to you but it wasn't enough and that is a hard thing to come to terms with.

Your reasoning for leaving was that you needed to find yourself, which I totally understand, but I realized this week that I don't need to find myself. I didn't lose myself in you, I was myself all the time. I know who I am, I know what I want and you never changed that for me. I just want to say thank you for teaching me about love. I think a part of me will always love you because you were incredibly special to me and I really hope you succeed and achieve your goals.

Thank you to all of these guys because without you I wouldn't be who I am today.