To the one I walked away from,
We had a good run. It wasn't always easy to stay by your side. I swore I wouldn't give up on you. But I did, and I'm not sorry.
Recommended for you
There came a point in our friendship that it was either you or me. I had to decide to put my well-being first, or I would have lost sight of myself even more. You were a toxic person. You claimed you loved me and wanted to be with me. But you never really did. You were someone who used me. You would try and try to get me to fall for your games; and for awhile, I did. That was not your fault but my own.
I was so in love with you that I couldn't see how much you were destroying who I was inside and out. I couldn't see that you were a toxic person. You would always play mind games with me. You would pull me in and then push me away. Again, I let you. I ignored all the signs that you were manipulative. That you were always trying to win a game that I never wanted to play. I just wanted to love you. You wanted to destroy me.
I never thought that you would be the one who would teach me that loving myself needs to come before loving anyone else. When I was with you, it always felt like a chore. You would always be there but also not there. I valued our time together, don't get me wrong. But it took years to get to the place where I am today. You destroyed me, but I let you. I let you because I felt that I loved you. And I did, for a time. But, it wasn't the love I thought it was. It wasn't the love that is safe and protective. It was a love that was toxic and dangerous.
When I say you destroyed me, I mean it. You made me relapse. You made me feel like it was the only thing I could control, so I hurt myself, so I didn't hurt you or anyone else. That should have been my first sign that things needed to change, but it wasn't. I still sat there day after day trying to be with you. Trying to be the girl I was when I fell in love with you (even though you always told me you fell in love with me.)
Even though you destroyed who I thought I was, you taught me some pretty important lessons that I can't thank you enough for. You taught me to walk away. Before you, I thought I would never walk away from someone without giving them a reason. That I would keep trying no matter what. But you taught me that sometimes it's best to walk away without any explanation. I didn't owe you one. Despite how much I told myself I did. The only person I owed anything to, was myself. For so long I had put myself through all of your problems and lies. I put myself through hell. But when I walked away from you, I felt in control for once. I was done letting you ruin my life. It was time for me to take care of myself for once instead of trying to take care of you.
Because of you, I loved myself more than I have ever loved myself before. Because of you, I realized what it meant to be treated right. Because of you, I am in the best relationship of my life because I know how I should be treated and how I shouldn't be treated. So because of you, I not only learned to love myself but I learned how to be happy. So I'm not sorry I walked away from you. It was the best decision of my life.
