Dear Mr. and Mrs. Anonymous,
Hello there. Before I get into introductions let me ask you how are you? I hope everything is OK and that you are doing well. My name Is Melissa Barron but you have never met me. To you guys, I am just a girl you saw hanging out with your son once, or hanging out with his group of friends, maybe even just talking to him, but let me tell you a little about myself. I am currently a student at Saint Xavier University. When I first started here I was not confident in myself and I had a hard time making friend. I mostly kept to myself.
Before this, I was outgoing, always participating and making new friends was the easiest thing for me. As a child I was shy at first and then I would warm up to people very easily. I always enjoyed talking to new people and making sure everyone felt welcomed, this moved on with me through middle school and for some of high school. I come from a very loving family my mother and father did everything to make sure me and my siblings had everything we needed and wanted; with limitations that is. We were happy children always smiling and playing with no worries in the world.
As we got a little older, my mother explained certain things that we should not allow people to do such as unwanted touching and how we should always tell an adult or someone In case you needed help. They always told me that I had to be careful because I was a girl and I could be attacked. They told me that I had to act like a lady, never too headstrong so that I wouldn't give a man the wrong idea; that sometimes being approachable could lead to me being taken advantage of.
So let me tell you a story I recently read on the Internet. It talked about two Stanford students that were on their way to a party when they saw a man behind a dumpster engaging in sexual activities with a woman. They approached the man to see if everything was OK, and found that not only was the man drunk and engaging In sexual activities with this woman, but they found that the woman was unconscious. The man saw them, and got up and took off running. One of the two men ran after him and tackled him while his friends called the police. The police took the man into custody and the girl was taken to the hospital. In later articles, we found out that the woman was at a party with her sister and had too much to drink. The next morning she woke up at the hospital, and her entire world came tumbling down.
She was told that she was sexually assaulted by a complete stranger. She at first did not believe it thinking it must have been a mistake, this couldn’t have happened to her, how she didn’t remember any of it. Soon the boy began saying that the woman was at fault and that she had consented to the acts that happened that night. They went to trial and of course the verdict went in her favor but the sentencing was not enough.
Let me explain why. You see, her rapist was found guilty and was sentenced to six months in prison because the judge believed that prison would have a terrible effect on him. He was given six months because one person believed that putting him in jail for the original sentence of 14 years was too much, but you know what? I wonder if the same judge thought about the effects that being sexually assaulted by a complete stranger had on the victim. Did he not see that her life was forever changed? Many would say that she asked for it, that if she hadn't consumed so much alcohol it wouldn't have happened to her. That if she had been careful this would have never happened. Well let me tell you a story about me.
There is one big difference between me and this girl. You see this girl was unconscious and when she woke she had no recollection of the man that had assaulted her behind a dumpster; she didn't remember a thing. I unfortunately woke up the next day and still remembered everything. I remembered the way it felt when I was touched in a way that made me uncomfortable. I still remembered the way I felt so dirty, so disgusting, not worth love and appreciation. I hated myself. I felt so uncomfortable In my own skin because the only thing I could think about was the way in which I had been used. I believed that It was my fault. I blamed myself for something I had no control over. I told myself that I would never be the same again because the one thing that I had always kept sacred was taken from me: my trust. I believed that every person was capable of betrayal because one person had betrayed me. I believed when people told me I was a "slut" because I didn’t tell anyone that I had not been promiscuous; because I didn’t tell anyone that no matter how hard I tried to fight and no matter how many times I said no and begged him to stop he wouldn't—everyone believed him but no one really knew.
Do you ever look at yourself In the mirror and hate what you see? Do you ever stare at your own eyes and see nothing but emptiness because you have nothing left? Well, these are the feelings your son gave me—this is what his actions provoked In me. People will tell you that It was my fault for inviting him to hang out alone, others would say that If I wasn't dressed in a tank top and sweatpants he would have never attacked me, that I should have been careful, and I would tell you that my intentions for him coming over were not to have sexual intercourse rather to watch a movie and just hangout. I would tell you that I was not wearing shorts, or showing too much skin, and neither was the Stanford rape victim—yet because "boy will be boys" women have to worry about how they look so they do not give off the wrong impression.
But I would also tell you that I do not blame you for the events that occurred, because I am sure that you did not raise your son believing he was going to be a rapist, or a sexual offender. I am sure you thought your son had strong morals and I am sure that if you knew this before you wouldn't be proud of his actions. Well you see the father of the man that raped this woman behind a dumpster wasn't so devastated. In fact he openly stated that he believed his son's career should not be ruined for "20 minutes of action. What a devastating blow!
The problem today is that we teach women that they should not do things like dress a certain way, be out at a certain time, and stray from certain activities to prevent from being raped or sexually assaulted. But what surprises me is that you see I wasn't drinking, I wasn't dressed inappropriately and this didn’t happen to me at the late hours of the night. It happened to me in my home early afternoon, when I was wearing sweatpants and a tank top, yet it happened to me. We should stop teaching girls to be afraid and start teaching boys to respect woman.
But again, I don't blame you. I can't blame you for something you had no part in, but I do ask you, and many other parents, to understand that a woman cannot be blamed for getting raped, or sexually assaulted. I simply ask you to teach your boys respect and teach them what consent means. the woman raped behind a dumpster did not have the ability to consent, I did not consent and still suffered the consequences.
Sincerely,
A girl you never met.
Please take some time and sign this petition to have the judge of the Stanford case removed.
