When I was nine years old, I did gymnastics. I was very passionate and proud of the sport that I committed to for four years. Gymnastics taught me that I could do anything that I set my mind to. If I work hard enough, I can do it. There are no limits, I thought. This confidence in my abilities made me feel like I was bursting with confidence at an early age. I knew what was important to me and my life was set. The girls I went to middle school with didn't like this version of me so much, however. They bullied me and told me that I was "stuck-up." I was aware that my attitude had nothing to do with thinking that I was better than other people because I have never thought that. But I still chose to act less confident for the benefit of other people. At the young age of 12 years old, I decided to tame down my true self because I thought that was the only way a few people would be more nice to me.
Now that I am older, I have ran into a lot more drama from trying to please others in high school. I was so confused about why people were still mean to me even when I dumbed myself down. I thought to myself, "What could I possibly be doing wrong to make people feel the need to treat me so poorly?". I couldn't figure it out until just recently. I was doing two things wrong in my interactions with others.
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First, I wasn't being my true self. Second, I wasn't setting boundaries or sticking up for myself.
The reason you can't change who you are for others is because you can't please everybody. There will always be somebody who doesn't like who you are whether you are being yourself or not. Instead of sacrificing your own happiness to make others comfortable, be a little more selfish and focus on making yourself more comfortable. You can't be your best self for others if you don't take care of yourself first. And the only person that can take care of you in the best possible way, is you.
Next, you must always, always stick up for yourself. Trying to avoid conflict for the sake of other people never works because you will continue to be unhappy. Instead of hoping that someday a person will stop being rude to you; stop being a victim and exude how confident you are. If you are confident and act like your true self regardless of how other people feel about it, they can't touch you.
That is how to fix the problem of trying to please others. Simply, start putting yourself first. Because in the end, the only opinion that matters about you is yours. If you can be happy with the person that you are becoming at the end of the day, you have made it.
