Everywhere you look, there's something about weight. Get stronger! Get toned! Get skinny quick! I've been overweight (for my height)...
I've been underweight...
I've been fit...
And I've been everything in between.
Everyone has their own opinion on which looks best and typically it depends on what they're attracted to. The only problem is, I thought that my happiness would come from my weight. When I was bigger, I expected to get skinny and be endlessly happy. Once I got to be skinny, I just found myself preoccupied with the way my body looked all of the time. I didn't allow myself to eat before events because I didn't want to look bigger than I really was. I had time restrictions on when I could eat. I wasn't miserable, and it wasn't torture. I was generally happy, it just clogged my mind a lot of the time.
At some point, I decided to get fit. I started lifting and I loved it. I loved feeling strong. But I still wasn't at the point of happiness that I wanted to be. I found problems with my body. My legs weren't strong enough or slim enough. I didn't like my arms, even though they were mostly muscle. I didn't like the thickness of my waist. I thought about my body more when I was "fit" than I did when I was really skinny. I liked the way I looked, but I still wasn't where I wanted to be with my happiness.
AND THEN, I gained weight- and a lot of it. Weirdly enough, at first, I didn't mind gaining weight. I loved eating- obviously- but I actually liked the way my body looked at first. I liked having curves. But as time went on, I gained more weight. I started getting really uncomfortable. I hated the way I looked in pictures. I found myself out of breath doing the easiest things like walking up the stairs. I was sweating in places I didn't even know could create sweat. Some of my favorite clothes didn't fit anymore. This was probably when I was the most unhappy.
It took me years to understand that my body and my happiness were two very separate things. Sure, they influence each other, but having a nice body will never directly make you happy. Happiness comes from loving yourself.
Loving yourself is actually pretty difficult. You have to be okay with all of your mistakes. You're going to hurt the people you love; you're going to fail a test; you're going to let someone down. You have to be okay with setting standards for yourself and not always reaching them, but still striving anyway.
Love yourself for your intelligence. Love yourself because you tell quality jokes. Maybe you're really good at sign language or maybe you're awesome at hockey. You might excel at being a social butterfly or maybe you can read really fast. There are good, lovable things about every single person and those are the things you should focus on within yourself.
I guess my point is that it really doesn't matter how big or small you are. Some people are happy to be bigger, some people are happy to be smaller. Regardless, loving yourself is where your happiness will come from.
