To my ex-best friend,

Let me start off by saying that I still do spontaneously think about some of the times we shared and the jokes we used to laugh about and still find myself smirking.

When we first met, we automatically clicked. We went from strangers to inseparable in the matter of a day. There was something about the way we both found interests in the same things and had the same type of humor that brought us closer together. I'll always remember everything we had and how much fun I had with you.

From the moment we became friends everyone saw the bond between us. We all met in a room full of strangers, but we found each other, and it made the room full of strangers easier to cope with. As our time together went on, we continued to grow closer. We shared everything with each other, from the general knowledge about us to our deepest secrets. We had a trust with one another that was comforting. It was nice knowing that no matter where I had gone, I found someone to feel that sense of security with.

We went from just seeing each other every day to actually living together. Little did I know that that was going to be the reason we also would begin to fall apart.

I'll be honest, living with you was a nightmare that was only relieved by the fact that I still considered you a best friend. It was once we started living together that we started to visibly lose each other. I remember how excited we had been to move in together. There was a dark side to you that I never thought I would see turn on me.

We used to joke around together and make fun of all the people who didn't like either one of us, we both always said if they didn't like one they don't like both. Never did I think that I would see those same spiteful words turned on me. You still don't know what I know, but even when you thought no one in the room had my back there was always someone who did. The people who kept it real with me weren't my closest of friends, but they knew that if someone can say these things to the person they claimed to be their best friend still then they did not want to get close to you.

I watched you leave the room with a smile on your face, giving me a hug on your way out to just go talk behind my back with the one person who hated me the most. The sad part is that you only did these things to get into their clique. I always knew you wanted to be a part of Greek Life, but I didn't know it meant you had to completely abandon the one person who had your back. I would never do to you what you did to me.

When you lied to me and went to a party with my ex and all the people who talked about me, I let it go. I even was the first person called when you were too drunk to even stand. I didn't want to see any of those people, but I would have much rather have known that you were safe than just leave you like that. I know that you would never do that for me. When you came back to the room having emotional breakdowns or a panic attack from either a breakup or something from pledging, I was still the first person that would sit and hold you and you cried into my arms. When I experienced the hardest thing I ever had, you used it as a talking point with other people to show that I was a bad person when you knew the truth and decided to twist it. But none of this mattered; the next day you would act like I didn't go out of my way to help you and continued to treat me like crap.

Little did I know, our friendship was sad and we let slip through our fingers. I'll always remember finding out you weren't coming back to school right before I was about to take an important final. I cried my eyes out. But looking back at it, I don't know if I was crying because you weren't coming back or because I knew that that meant our friendship had reached the expiration date and there was no saving it anymore.

This past year I tried fixing some relationships, and ours was one of them. I texted you to try to fix us and see if we can have that same connection we did when we first met. But, I can tell you didn't want to try and never returned my call like you said you would.

Looking back at it now, I am happy you didn't. It gave me time to really reflect on our friendship and see that when we were together we were just two sticks of dynamite waiting to be lit. Our friendship was dangerous and not healthy for anyone to be apart of. So let me start this over...

My toxic friend, thank you for showing me that not all people who claim to have my back really do. You created strength in me that you will never know of.


Best,

Disappointed and Done