To Those Without a Father on Father’s Day,
This is always a tough holiday for me personally, and I bet it is for you too. The commercials fill living rooms and ‘#1 Dad’ mugs are at every shopping store. It seems like the date June 19th is highlighted on every calendar that you see. There are constant reminders that this holiday wasn’t meant for you. It seems like everyone around you is getting ready for this celebration while you try to get past it. Although it’s only a 24 hour period, it is a day that seems to have haunted me for many years of my life. For me, I haven’t had a father in my life since my mother and I had to leave him at a young age. As much as you want to avoid the holiday, the topic of your father is something that you probably think about quite regularly.
Did I have his eyes? Why did I have to get cursed with his body structure? Does he chew his fingernails too? These are just some of the questions that pass through your mind. It may sound cliche but it sometimes feel as if half of me is missing. The 50 percent of DNA that makes me, well me, is a part of myself I’ve never known.
Of course you hear the stories of the man who was your father. For some it may be decent and for others it may be downright terrible. No matter the fact, this holiday is a tough one to bare. Just like the burden of feeling like you don’t know truly who you are because you never knew the man who is your father.
Throughout the years though, I’ve realized that the man who I share DNA with doesn’t control who I am as a person. Even though he is a part of me, I am the one who grew up into the person I am today. You should realize that too. You are your own person and you, with the help of those who were there, shaped yourself into the person you are today. Those questions will always haunt you; there will always be ‘what ifs’ not matter how many years pass by. Yet the sooner you try to realize all this, the easier this holiday will be. It takes time but once you realize you’ve made it this far without having a father, you’ll also realize that you’ve made it past this many Father’s Days and you can get past this one too.
Truly, I am happy for all those that got to experience lives with a father but deep down there is a part of me that is envious. There are probably many others that are too. You wonder why they couldn’t have wiped away your tears after your first breakup or been there to teach you how to ride a bike with only two wheels. Yet this year, don’t let those thoughts control your mind. Let’s take that time wasted and make for others; the one’s that were there. Thank those who were there to wipe away your tears and kissed your wounds; the one’s that filled in as your father when the real one couldn’t. These are the people that deserve your time and love today. Whether it be a step dad, grandpa, friend's dad or single mom, let them know how much you appreciated them being there every step of the way. They may not be your father but they are all you’ve got. This time, forget about the man who is your father and remember those who cared for you that aren’t.
Sincerely,
A Fatherless Daughter
