Sometimes, the skull is a cage.
It holds back the mind's soft flesh as it tries tirelessly to escape from your mouth; fragmented speech still falls off your tongue, but no one understands. Not even you.
You want to explain what it is that's going on inside of your mental prison but there is no possible way. At least not one that makes sense to the everyday person.
The word "please" becomes the phrase "no, thank you" and a simple "help me" becomes a "no, I'm okay."
Suddenly, language is not enough to describe the torment your heart fights to keep you from giving in to on a daily basis. Language cannot save you. So what can?
Only through your eyes can one possibly see a bit of the battle, but even then your irises cloak the worst parts.
At times, your brain presses up against the edges of its cage and pleads to break out. Your head pounds with words and feelings you wish you could understand enough to let loose.
At times, the truth might spill out so quickly and messily you won't have a chance to catch it. It'll leave a disgusting stain on your favorite rug like the last time you had the stomach flu or got sick because you partied too hard.
You will apologize and attempt to clean it up with your hands but the one who holds the rag and soap is standing over you with that look in their eyes, waiting for you to let them help. You won’t let them.
Then, at other times, the mind will shrivel up and wither into the darkest corner it can find. Hiding from the outside world that threatens to question its every tick. Especially after it's just accidentally poured itself out and revealed itself to the world.
Living with a mind that keeps you trapped is not easy. Your heart will fight it, and you will try to make the battle cease, but it never does. Perhaps it'll rest occasionally and leave you be; let you rest.
Living with a mind that argues with itself and rips itself in half over and over and over again is also not easy.
So this is for anyone who understands the struggle of fighting off irrationality with the truth.
Deciding to fight when fighting is the last thing you want to do is incredibly heroic, even if you don’t believe so.
Even if the fight consists of living for one more day; getting through one more day of classes… you made it. You got through another battle with your mind.
The prison can be broken, though it is difficult at times. It is not impossible.
The on-going tug of war feels impossible to win, especially as the monster that is yourself keeps growing stronger. But you can overcome this. Your inner demons are yours and yours alone, created and fueled by your personal cage: your brain.
This all means one huge thing... your biggest enemy is yourself. Yet, in the end, you're the most important thing you have. You will never completely lose yourself, even if you feel as though you have.
You might feel trapped within your own body, but know that it is okay to let it out.
It is okay to scream and leave that word vomit for someone to help you clean up.
It is perfectly okay to allow someone else to help.
Living with a mind that does not want to accept help, or let anyone in, is paralyzing, but manageable.
Living with a mind that does not connect correctly to your tongue and often miscommunicates with the outside world is frustrating and debilitating, but still manageable.
People who do not try to listen are not worthy of the power that your incredibly strong mind possesses.
Find people who will grab a rag and help you clean up the words you splattered onto the floor. They are the ones who will stick around in the long run.
