For the last three years of my life, I’ve learned what it really means to have a broken family. I mean, my family was always far from perfect, but 2013 was the most devastating time for us. Are we any less of a family now? Definitely not. There are so many misconceptions about our family, though, when I tell them that my mother is a single mom of three. So, here I am to clear up those assumptions for all of you readers.
Let me start by telling you that my father and I have never had the best relationship. My parents were never married, and my father was in and out of the first three years of my life. Fortunately, my mom found a man that stepped in while my father wasn’t around. Just after my sixth birthday, my mom married him, and I was proud to call him my stepfather. After all, he gave me two younger sisters. The last time that I saw my father at this point was when I was three years old.For the next few years, we lived our lives normally and happily. We started a family tradition of taking a break away from life and heading to Mohican to camp for a week. Yeah, we had complications just like any other family, but we were all happy together. Then, in 2009, I found my actual father on social media. We started to get into contact, and I was reunited with the other half of my life that had always been missing, even if I never noticed it. I was twelve years old at this time. I never became extremely close with my dad, but at least he was participating in my life. At least, he was until we got into a fight once I turned sixteen.It was hard breaking that new bond, but at the time it seemed like the right thing to do. So, I was back down to only one father. Unfortunately, the year I turned sixteen turned out to be the worst year for my family. It started one hot day in July 2013. My mom and stepdad had just celebrated their tenth anniversary. I thought my life was perfect because everyone around me seemed to be happy. Other than the fact that I had just had the fight with my dad, there was not one bit of negativity surrounding me.
I was wrong, though. My stepdad started disappearing while my mom was working her evening shifts. He told my sisters and I that he was called into work to fix something, so he would be gone for two hours. We thought nothing of it. Then, one night he didn’t come home. He was still gone when my mom got home. We told her that he got called into work, and we just kind of brushed it off.
A week later, my younger sister asked for some ice cream money. My mom told me to look in my stepdad’s work bag for an extra couple of dollars. Instead of money, I found letters from a woman. Confused, I asked my mom about them. She was just as curious as I was. So, we read them. They were love letters...from another woman.
Sometimes I wish I hadn't found those letters. Sometimes I like to think that I would have rather not known about my father's second life. Our family was suddenly breaking. My mom was angry whenever my stepfather left the house. My sisters and I felt awkward knowing about the whole ordeal.
Our parents were separated by September. My stepfather moved into a new home with his girlfriend. I took care of my sisters while my mom took on two jobs and worked long hours. I finally understood how broken someone could actually be. Suddenly, the negativity that I had somehow kept away was engulfing my home.
You know how there's this assumption that when parents get divorced the children will start acting out and be depressed all of the time? Somehow, this didn't happen to me and my siblings. Surprisingly, we handled the situation well. Sure, our once happy family was now all kinds of messed up. The divorce didn't stop us from thriving, though. They're still our parents. They just fell out of love.
Perhaps it was because we were all old enough to understand what was happening that we weren't the depressed children that you see in the movies. If you've ever experienced divorce, I could understand why you would be devastated. I admit that hearing our parents fight was exhausting and annoying. I guess that's probably the same reason that we were relieved when they finally announced that they were splitting.
I will tell you that it is stressful waiting for the moment that your parents will tell you that they’re splitting up. Part of you will want them to just do it already and the other part is begging them not to. Then, once it’s over, it’s over. Don’t get me wrong, divorce is a very hard thing to deal with for some people. Sometimes, I found myself a little upset as well. I want to tell you that it’s okay to be upset about your family breaking. You’re supposed to be upset.
I'm going to be brutally honest. Trust is very hard to have after going through something like this because you're afraid that you'll be deceived again. Sometimes you may feel upset and down. Personally, I never felt envious of families that were still together, but it's totally natural if you do get envious. It's natural to want to go back to the way your life was before it started to fall apart.
Cry and scream about your parents splitting. Stay in your room and listen to the sad music. Or don't do anything at all. If that's your way of coping, then do it. If you need to cry to feel better, then by all means do it. There's no wrong way to cope because we're all different. I just want you all to know that I understand. We're not loved any less than families who are still whole, nor do we love our parents any less. Just know that no matter what, you can always lean on the shoulders of those who relate to you.
