"What was it like to lose him? It was like hearing every goodbye ever said to me- said all at once."
-Lang Leav
In life, we are constantly losing people. One day somebody wakes up and they just don’t feel the same way, or maybe it’s you that feels you’ve grown apart from them. When we lose somebody, we tend to lose a piece of ourselves, but sometimes that piece is bigger than you expected it to be. Sometimes, someone you didn’t even realize you loved gets away from you, and it’s tragic and painful and that empty space they left never gets completely filled. So to the one who got away from me, this is to you.
To the one who got away:
It has been some time now, not a crazy amount of years or even that many months but it feels like forever to me somedays. And other days, it feels like I had you just yesterday. What I find the saddest about what happened between us is how nothing went wrong. We got along, made each other laugh, enjoyed the time we spent together, and had all the same interests. And when you decided to go your own way, it was hard for me to understand. I suppose our situation just finally got the best of us, something I never expected to happen so quickly.
When I first met you I never expected to have you in my life the way I did. You had always been someone I saw as a far off daydream than a piece of my reality. I never even realized I loved you until you were gone. But it’s funny how things work out sometimes, and then again how they don’t work out at all. And it hurts me every day that we weren’t able to figure it out and continue to be as happy as we were. It especially hurts how nothing is the same, and it might never will be again. Sometimes I don't know what's worse, knowing I lost you or knowing you might never come back.
You are the one who got away for so many reasons. I don’t think I could’ve held on to you even I tried harder than I did, and I understand that you had your reasons and you needed to do what you needed to do. Some days the reasons are enough, and others, I am constantly overthinking about whether you meant it or whether there was more beneath the surface or whether I could’ve held on a little longer. But at the end of the day that isn’t going to change anything for you and I; I know now it’s too late. I’m doing my best every day to be OK with that.
Losing you was hard, it still is. I didn’t just lose a piece of my happiness, but someone who was my best friend. I don’t think there’s ever going to come a time when I don’t miss you and everything we had. You’re probably long gone from those feelings, and maybe you will live the rest of your life without ever thinking of me again. For all I know you have someone else that you love more than you could have ever loved me. I like to think that one day we’ll meet again and grab some coffee. Maybe one day, you’ll change your mind. Know I miss you, know I loved you, know you have a piece of me no one will ever be able to replace. “The back door will always be unlocked if you ever feel like coming home.”
With love,
Your Past
