Dear New Girl,
Let me start off by saying that I do not hate you. Despite the recent encounter, I have zero hatred for you. Sure your words were unnecessary and inappropriate, however, I am glad you showed so much concern about what I do with my life. Therefore, I am now simply returning the favor to you in the best way I know how to.
He’s great, isn’t he? He has a contagious laugh and a smile that could turn your entire day around. His eyes are something you look into and tend to get lost in. He’ll send you funny videos of puppies and reassure you when times get tough. He’ll tell you that you are beautiful when you actually look like a troll. He will want to spoil you and when you tell him no, he always finds a way around your stubbornness. He’s the total package.
So you may ask, “why did you let him go?” My answer for you in the most brutally honest and genuine intention is that I did it for you. Let me explain.
I met him at a time when I was in a completely different place than where I am now. I loved him, but suddenly what I thought I wanted was no longer what I actually felt. I began to miss what our relationship used to be, not what it had become. It was painful and if you think I made it out of that breakup with an unscathed heart, you’re crazy. But here’s something about love, sometimes when you love somebody you need to convince yourself that they are better off without you. Ending things with him was a heartbreaking reality. I knew I could never give him the love he deserved no matter how many time I tried to change my mind. My feelings weren’t aligned and honestly, it’s sad to admit but I fell out of love.
He would never have left me. He had hopes and dreams for our future while I had hopes and dreams for my own. Please do not try and tell me what our relationship was because all you know is what he has told you out of heartbreak. I feared that he would never do things for himself if I were still in the picture. I knew there was someone out there that was better for him than I ever would be. I repeatedly told him that he would find someone else and despite his persistent denial, he found you.
I want to respect you and your relationship but at the same time you need to respect me, and the relationship I once had with him. You see I once upon a time was his forever. I was the hand he once held, the lips he once kissed, and the body he held tight before bed. I was a tear, a laugh, and a collection of moments. I was once singing to “Hotel Room Service” at the top of my lungs while he just stared and laughed at me. I was once the person to whom he cried. I comforted him in times of sickness and death. I fought with him. I was his high school sweetheart and nearly three years of his life. I loved him. My relationship with him meant more than some fling with a random guy. My relationship with him changed me in ways that some people will never understand.
So, if you’re reading this, understand that writing is not something you can stop me from doing. I do not write to upset him. I write for the private messages I get from my audience as they read my articles and feel comfort from my words because they are too afraid to have a voice. I do it for them, not him.
He was my ideal first love, but not my last.
Best Regards,
His first love, but not his last
