"Whenever a female has a [bad] relationship with her father, or absence of a father figure during her childhood, it tends to spill into any adult relationship they embark on, usually to the chagrin of any poor male in their life."
Dear Girls with 'Daddy Issues,'
Above is Urban Dictionary's definition of you. Basically, if you didn't have a good relationship with your father, you're going to make a mess of all future relationships with guys. If you didn't have a father, maybe you'll be too needy, too clingy, too much for any guy to handle. Because girls without fathers don't know how to compose themselves, right? They're broken. They're weak. They can be used.
Sometimes I don't think the world really sees you for who you are. They don't know what it's like to live your life. To grow up and make crafts in class for Father's Day with no one to give them to. Or better yet, spend the day conflicted because you don't want to celebrate and you feel like you have to. To go to a wedding and see a dad give their daughter a loving look after they walk them down the aisle. To bear witness to that first daddy-daughter dance, and the tears running down the father's face as he realizes his baby is growing up. Every time you see an elderly man with his granddaughter -- that's when it sinks in. That's when you know that something is missing.
Girls...there are a few things you need to know.
Sometimes you'll feel like you're getting too old to feel a void related to a parental figure, but you aren't. No matter how hard you try, those thoughts will creep in sometimes. You aren't crazy. You aren't stupid. Sometimes, despite how many times you tell yourself to just move on, you can't. Sometimes, you'll tell yourself that it's your fault that you ended up this way, even though you logically know it isn't.
Those thoughts are natural; you're human. You will wonder, you will mourn, you will feel -- and that's okay.
Occasionally, daddy issues turn into a lack of trust towards guys. You might not feel safe around them because of what you have experienced, and that's okay.
Other times, it turns into too much trust. You know something's been missing, and you think a real relationship with a male figure will bring a depth to your life that you've never experienced...that's okay too. Everyone reacts to these kinds of situations differently, but here's what I want you to remember.
1. No other person determines your self-worth. A girl with a father and a girl without are both worthy of the same amount of love and happiness in their lives. A girl who has a dad who comes to every soccer game is just as valuable as the girl with a father who abandoned her as a child. Sometimes you'll forget that. Try not to.
2. Let yourself feel, and express those feelings. Relationships with guys, and in general, are oftentimes different and more difficult for girls who didn't have that father role met in their life. Accept that. Accept the times when you feel scared, and the times where you need extra support. Share those feelings to help yourself heal. Be vulnerable with those you trust. Don't let those feelings sit there until they spiral out of control. Be real.
3. You have strength. A lot of people won't recognize what you've been through, because it isn't something they can see. They can't be inside your head and understand the way that you have experienced the world. It's impossible. But even though they can't, you can. You know what you've seen, you know how you've felt, you know all of your struggles...and you know, that as hard as it may have been, you're still here, taking the world by storm.
My girls with daddy issues -- you are all special. You are not weak. You are composed and can do whatever you want with your life. You've taken a different route through the journey of life, and there's beauty in that. There's beauty in you.
Let your experience shape you, not break you.
