Hello dear,

You are going through one of the most painful parts of life: your first heartbreak. The thing that will stick with you for many years to come, the thing that one day you will tell your daughter about when she has her first heartbreak. Right now, it’s all you can feel; the word “heartbreak” has never seemed more accurate, nothing feels normal, and you feel like your world has come crashing down… Everyone is telling you that it’s going to get better, you’re better off, and one day you’ll understand why this is happening, but you do not believe any of it.

I was where you are a little bit over a year ago; my first heartbreak hit me like a train. I thought it was going to be the death of me. If I had a dollar for every time someone tried to comfort me with sayings that seemed like such cliches, like. “You’re going to wake up one day and not feel it anymore,” or, “You’re going to be thankful for this one day,” or, the one I hated the most, “Everything happens for a reason, and one day you’ll understand why this is happening.”

Now, being on the other side of the heartbreak — having conquered the broken heart — those cliches are true. It is true that one day you will wake up, and it won’t hurt anymore; it won't be the first thing you think of when you wake up or before your head hits the pillow. You will start to think about it less and less, and then that fateful day will come and you will realize it doesn’t hurt as much anymore, it isn’t consuming your every thought, and you’ve almost gotten through the day without thinking about it. That is going to be a day you will never forget, because on that day you will realize that you have made it through. I pray that you get to that day as soon as possible.

I can also tell you that, looking back, I am thankful for my first heart break, because, when I lost what my heart desired the most, I gained the world. After you get your heart broken you have two choices: to let it destroy you or to let it be a building block for you. Of course you’re going to be devastated at first, and you should mourn, but the following months after this first heartbreak are imperative. This is a time to focus on you, to better improve yourself, to make yourself into the person you have always wanted to be. This is a time where you can strengthen your relationship with God, a time where you can start living a healthier life and getting more exercise, but most importantly this is a time to love you. Just because someone stopped loving you doesn’t mean you can stop loving yourself.

I know right now all you can focus on are the memories and how hurt you are. It consumes you. Write down your favorite memories, the dates you want to remember, any song or movie that reminds you of the person that broke your heart, and put it in a jar. The possessions you have of theirs, whether it be t-shirts, notes, CDs, or even a sock, put them in a trash bag in the top of your closet. The pictures you have of you guys together -- download them to your computer and burn them to a CD. Then delete them from your phone and laptop. For the next few months do what you have to do -- unfollow them on social media so you aren’t waiting to see what they post. Don’t let sad music consume your life, but if you need some songs to listen to while things are hard, I suggest this playlist. These are the things that helped me get through my heart break and I sure hope they can help you too.

As cliche as it is, there will be one day where you look back on this time and you will be thankful for the lessons you are currently learning. There will come a time when the person that hurt your heart will hardly every cross your mind, and when they do, you won’t cry — you will smile. Because you will be thankful for the times you shared and the lessons that came from it. I know you don’t believe that now but one day you will be able to attest to it too.

Most of all remember you deserve the best kind of love. You have done nothing wrong, so do not punish yourself. You are beautiful, special, and love-able. You may feel broken right now, but you are going to be the one who puts yourself back together. Do it in a constructive way, and love yourself in every possible way.

As you are going through your first heartbreak, I want you to remember something. This is your first heartbreak — no other heartbreak will hurt as badly as the first one. And I know you can’t ever imagine loving anyone besides the one who broke your heart, but you will learn to love again. It’s going to take time, and a lot of work but lose yourself in what you are passionate about. Surround yourself with people who love you and make you laugh. Spend time outside, watch funny TV shows, do arts and crafts and don’t forget to smile. Because before you know it, you’re going to wake up and it’s not going to hurt anymore. You have a long road ahead of you, and it’s going to hurt like hell but you are going to get through this and come out stronger then you ever thought possible.

Wishing you a speedy recovery,

The girl who got over her first heartbreak.