Dear Katie,
Hey, girl. It's me. I hope you remember me.
I know, it's been almost five months since you've passed and I'm still writing about you. Everyone probably thinks I'm crazy. But, the words still spill out of my mouth like water from a faucet, so I decided to publish them for the world to see. Maybe this way, the whole world will get to meet you. Oh, what a blessing that would be for everyone if they could all meet you. It was definitely a blessing for me.
I got the chance to meet you during our very first hall meeting. You wanted to be called Katie. No, not Katie Rae. Not Caitlyn. Just Katie. As you talked, I immediately envied you. Your long blonde hair, your perfect makeup, your effortless smile. Little did I know, there was so much effort put into that smile.
As the weeks passed and school moved into full swing, I saw you more and more. You came up to me at the dish return one morning and insisted you introduce me to your brother, Collin, because you remembered I was a twin, too. The three of us talked all the way back to his dorm. He gave you a piggy back ride the whole way there. It was so obvious how much you two loved each other. I texted my sister that night and told her I had just met twins that were exactly like me and her. Two weeks later, I had to tell her you were gone.
The next time I remember talking to you was in the dining center. You were sitting alone, and I told you to come sit with me. I asked you why you were so dressed up, and you replied with, "My boyfriend from home and I just broke up, so I decided to make myself look good." Now every time I get upset, I put on a cute outfit. I call those days my "Katie days."
I saw you a few more times before that day. You know the day. It was Sept. 23, the day you left. I remember seeing you lying on the floor of your dorm room, knowing that my time with you was cut way too short. And that you, Katie, were the one that cut it short.
You broke my heart, Katie. You really did. But, this isn't a sad story. This is a story about you. And you are definitely not a sad story.
You have introduced me to some of the greatest people in the whole world, Katie. Your friend, Joe, was one of the people who found you that day. I arrived at your door moments after he found you. We met in the most horrible of circumstances, and have since created a friendship solely off of love. We now sit next to each other every day in our social work class, a major we decided on because of you. He is always a shoulder to cry on (even if it's 4 a.m.) and always makes me laugh (mainly from his drunken Snapchat stories). Remember, Katie, I would have never met him if it were not for you.
The next person is your brother, Collin. Katie, he is absolutely hilarious. He never fails to make me cry from laughing after hearing his stories from his nights out. He is always willing to be my dance partner at the bars. He always makes sure I am safe. And best of all, he always likes my Instagram pictures. Katie, he is my little piece of you. I would do anything for your brother, your twin, and now, my friend.
The last person is your mom. She's one of the strongest people I have ever met. She has taught me that it is possible to push through pain and grief. If she can do this, I most definitely can. She always reminds me that I am brave and important -- just like you.
I've been finding pennies a lot lately. Pennies from Heaven, of course. I know it's you talking to me. The sound of your voice has faded from my memory, but I know you can still communicate with me. Through the pennies, the people, the dreams, the memories - you will always live within me.
Thanks for everything, beautiful. You have given me so many reasons to keep going. Through my own struggles with depression and anxiety, I always hear you telling me that it's worth it to keep going. My story isn't over yet, and neither is yours. You might not be here with us anymore, but your story is yet to be finished. There are many more chapters to go. You just handed your friends and family the pen.
I know I never got the chance to tell you, but I love you. You're the reason the sun is still shining on this campus.You're the reason people wake up and smile. You're the reason people choose to live another day. And for all these things, I love you.
XOXO,
Maria
